May 2, 2011
- Set Them Early!
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
I have two beautiful children. My girl is 3 and my boy is 5. My little girl is reserved and standoffish, but my little boy is extremely affectionate and trusting with “everyone”.
With everything that goes on in this world nowadays, I must admit that this worries me more than I even let on to my husband.
I may be over-thinking this but do you have any suggestions or thoughts on what I can do to make sure they aren’t vulnerable?
Concerned Mom in Iowa.
Dear Concerned:
You are not overreacting. You are correct in wanting to take the right steps to protect your children as much as humanly possible.
Here are some simple rules for teaching children personal boundaries:
Take time to educate, explain, and set rules with children about “personal” boundaries, when they are very young. Most likely you will need to revisit and reinforce these boundaries over and over.
A good way to help children understand the idea of personal space is to have the child stand in place, spread their arms wide, and spin slowly in a circle. The invisible circle that they make with their arms is their “personal space”.
Establish and teach zones of privacy. These zones includes bathroom or dressing time, personal space for belongings ( closet, drawers), bedroom or sleeping area when siblings share a bedroom.
Explain to the child that other people have personal space too, and that there are certain times that it’s OK to allow others to enter your space (school lines, help with potty time).
Establish the role of parent (or adult) to child within the family and outside of the family. Teach the children when it is appropriate to listen and participate in conversations, and when they are not allowed to participate in conversations at all. This establishes the child’s role and builds their sense of security.
Do not involve children at any time in adult sensitive conversations.
Examples of when physical boundaries are crossed:
Insisting a child hug or kiss others: It is important to note that affectionate children can be taught who is okay to hug and kiss, and what an appropriate touch is. Let kids know that it is okay to say “no” to any form of touch. Overlooking these critical social skills a child may be put at risk of trusting potential abusers.
Touching a child when they don’t want to be touched: Emergent situations are the exception. Help kids understand the difference between good touch and bad touch by explaining where it is okay to be touched. Identify body parts and when it is OK for those parts to be touched.
Hitting a child: Hitting a child is never appropriate.
If boundaries are crossed, such as personal space or a reversal of authority with an adult, quickly take back control of the situation and re-establish the correct behavior.
These are good building blocks for you to begin with.
Mrs. Figgins
Children Issues,How To,Love,Topics,advice
