Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

 

We could all use a buoy once in a while!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My Father passed away 4 years ago.  My sister, brother and I are still mourning his loss.  I thought my Mother was too, since he was the love of her life!

Mom has just begun seeing someone,  and wants to bring him to our family reunion.    This is something we are having a HUGE problem with!   This man could never fill my Father’s shoes, and he best not try.

How can we STOP this from happening?

 

Dear STOP:

STOP!    Your Mother has the right to “live”, and perhaps love again.  

Her love for your Father or you kids is not minimized in any way by her getting  a new chance at life.   Support her.  

Be her buoy as she has always been yours.  She may be going thru a storm of emotions at this time in her life trying to juggle her own feelings and dealing with yours.   She needs you now.   Be there.   Be present.  This is what is important.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,advice

 

Our Gift Is The Present.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am  62 years young.  My wife of 5 years has made my life so full. 

The only problem I’m dealing with is her past. 

Her first husband, who past away 15 years ago, comes up at the darnest times.  He did this, he did that.   But he’s not here!   I am.   What can I do to stop this craziness? 

At my wits end!

 

Dear Wits End:

The past is history.  The present is the gift.   

Don’t minimize or take away her memories any more than you want yours washed away. 

Remember, she “lived “before you came into her life.   You are her life now. 

Live in the moment.   This moment is what you have.   

Mrs. Figgins

 

 

advice

Sometimes we just need to get our head out of the sand!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am 23 years old and have developed a crush on one of my friends.   He tells me he’s had strong feelings for me for a long time and can’t get me out of his mind.   He wants to date.

There is just one little problem:  my best friend since childhood has feelings for him, too.    He tells me he doesn’t feel the same about her.   I know he’s led her on, making her think there might be a possibility of a relationship between them some time down the road.  

All along he’s been seeing other girls and not fessing up.   He says he hasn’t told her that there’s no chance between them romantically because he loves her as a “friend” and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.   They’ve been friends for a long time, too.  I’m not sure how to handle this?

I’m stuck in the middle!

 

Dear Stuck:

UNSTICK and QUICK!!!

Good friends last a lifetime -“crushes” don’t.  

He’s led her on.   What  makes you think you are going to be any different?

This is not worth losing a lifetime friend over – and this guy doesn’t sound like a good bet at any table.   

Life has a wonderful way of sorting things when we get out of the way.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,advice

Right Way!    Wrong Way!    You Choose.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am 20 year old college student and feel totally suffocated by my parents.   

We are Mormons and my Mother and Father  will be  destroyed when they find out I want to live off campus with my boyfriend.  

He is the man of my dreams and I want to move forward with my life and not live by my parent’s unreasonable rules. 

We want to be responsible and don’t want to get married until we both graduate, but can’t wait to start our life together.

Wanting Freedom!

 

Dear Freedom:

In life, everything has a price.  Commitment has a price, and so does freedom.   This is true, regardless of whether you are Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddist, Gay or Straight.   

No doubt, your parents have worked very hard to pave a good foundation for your life’s journey.   This includes paying for your education, which is a gift from them because they love you.  It is not an automatic right.  Don’t destroy this  for yourself.      

Living together with your boyfriend before marriage is not the right thing to do.  Because of your upbringing, you know this deep down.

Mr. Dreamy will be there “if” he’s worth it.    He will only be there in the long run, not because you made things “easy”, but because you were worth waiting for.    If by chance, he turns out not to be the guy of your dreams…just think how much wiser and sweeter your decision to wait would have been.  

This is what you will want someday when you are a parent.   This is what your parents want for you.

Do the right thing.  Wait.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,Topics,advice

Meeting Life Somewhere In-Between!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My nose and lip are pierced and I have a few tattoos, which I keep pretty much covered.  

My boss told me I need to remove my nose and lip ring.  He said it’s not personal and that the same rules apply to “any inappropriate business attire”.    

To make things worse, when I talked to the pastor of our church he agreed!   

Why can’t people at least hobble into this century and appreciate each of us for who we are and what is in our heart?   I don’t steal, cheat or judge others so why do I get judged! 

What am I missing?

 

Dear Missing:

The facts of life.

It’s not about whether you have a nose ring, a tattoo or a halo (to be fair: halos usually swing the vote).   

Unfortunately it’s about perception.   People that don’t know your heart, can only see the book cover at first glance. 

Think about what you want to accomplish in life.   Set the best example you can, with the compassion and understanding you seem to have and would like in return.  

While the outcome isn’t always what we hope,   good actions  calibrate the compass for our journey.

 Meet life in the middle, without giving up who you are.   If you can do this, you’re halfway there.

 Mrs. Figgins

Business Etiquette,How To,Love,Topics,advice

Think again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I have a nephew who is 37, and gay.  

His life revolves around his Mother.  He is constantly worried about  “Mummy”.  

He rushes to do her grocery shopping each week, buys her flowers, opens the doors for her, washes her car, kisses and hugs her non-stop. 

Is this normal? I understand that he loves his mother, but don’t you think he should be more focused on his own life?    After all, he has a wonderful lover .   Shouldn’t he consider his partners feelings?       

Concerned Auntie.

 

 

Dear Concerned:  

My goodness, aren’t you lucky (and take it from me!).    “Good son” usually translates to  -  good husband – good lover -  most important of all,  good man.   

What an a terrific young man you’ve each been blessed with.   Mummy is to be saluted for an job well done.  Now,  do the right thing and focus on what a good kid he turned out to be – and maybe find a  new hobby to keep you occupied.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,One Village,Topics,advice

 

True Love!

 

Mrs. Figgins doesn’t have to tell you that relationships take work, but it does help know the most effective ways to strengthen that commitment. 

 

Simple as it sounds, communicating daily, showing  affection and laughter is what keeps romance alive.”  YES, it does take work.  But if you are committed, with a good partner, you will be able to handle the ups and downs of life. 

 

Begin laying the foundation of good communication and affection early on!

 

1.  LOVE!

SHOW YOUR LOVE.  SHOW IT and SAY IT.  It will surprise you in the most magnificent ways.

 

Always say I LOVE YOU before your partner lays that sweet head down to sleep.  Tomorrow is not promised…and today is all  you have in hand. 

 

2. Laughter

LAUGH!!!  LAUGH!!!  LAUGH!!!

 

My goodness, keep the laughter front and center.  “Laughing is a cornerstone.   It is essential, and irreplaceable. 

 

3. Touch

Touching is critical..  Remember how you  felt in the beginning.   Begin and end each day with touch. 

A kiss and a hug at the very least 3 times a day. 

 

4. Compliments

Keep compliments Flowing EVERY DAY

 

No matter how insignificant the deed may seem.  Let your partner know if they’re special.  Go on – make it a habit. 

 

You’ll be the better for it.

 

5.  Stay Connected 

Touch Base Mid-Day.   Just a quick “Hello, I Love You”.

 

6. Speak Your Mind

GENTLY (and yes, sometimes firmly, but do it with LOVE).

 

7. Partner Time

Schedule time for each of you…individually. 

Every relationship needs time for the individual partner.   Exercise, washing the car, yard work, or  fiddling with the autos.  After a hard days work, give each other the time and space to “unwind”.  You’ll be better for yourself and your partner.

 

8. End the Day …and begin the Next Day…with Intimacy

For you married couples:  Life happens, kids happen, work happens, school happens…things happen.  It doesn’t always have to begin or end with sexual intimacy.  

This being said…fit it in!

How To,Love,Relationships,advice

She belongs to you, the people.

 

Mrs. Figgins: 

 

I am fighting for a great love of  mine, the United States of America.   Both of my parents are in their 60′s, and I am the only child.   

 

I am in the military and my  husband and I are blessed with 2  beautiful baby girls.    Everyone is in great health but I worry about their future.

 

Our great country is facing many critical issues with war and our health care crisis.  

 

If you don’t mind my asking, in your experience and thru all of your travels,  what do you think is the best health care in the world?

 

I’m willing to fight the good fight on all fronts, but I want to be clear  on what I’m fighting for. 

  

 

Dear Willing:

 

May GOD bless you and your family and keep you safe wherever service to your country takes you.

 

The United States of America is the envy of the world for many reasons, not the least is your health care system with unequalled medical expertise and innovation. 

 

Legal reform cannot be excluded from cost containment.  It is the only survivable way out of the situation you face.   

 

Government is too big, special interest too powerful and fat cats are deaf, dumb and corrupt.  Politicians are destroying your great country.  Government control of any program is not a solution.   The status quo is indefensible, and any argument to the contrary is rubbish.  

 

I watch your “tea parties” with awe, marvel at democracy.  I bow to the Senior Citizens of America who are cheesed off and single handedly coming to her rescue. 

 

I toast your freedom of choice.   This is what you fought for over 200 years ago.

 

Fight the good fight.   It has always been your creed. 

 

Mrs. Figgins

 

Love,Opinion & Politics,Topics,advice