November 28, 2009
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Aren’t they worth fighting for?
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
Don’t know where to begin so here it goes:
My wife and I have been married 12 years. We have two kids, ages 7 and 12.
I work hard, don’t have the income of a doctor or a lawyer, I’m balding, and .
Now to the hard part: I overheard a conversation between my wife and one of our long time friends. It’s possible that she’s having an affair with him. I don’t think they’ve gone “all the way” but there’s no doubt there’s intimacy between them.
They can’t wait to be together, but she told him she can’t bear to hurt me or the kids and doesn’t know what to do.
I love my wife and kids and don’t want to lose them. On the other hand, I want to do the right thing by my wife and don’t want to let her know I overheard the conversation. It would humiliate her too much.
She makes fun of friends that go to marriage counseling, so there’s no use in trying to go that route.
Do you think I should be kind and just let her go?
I feel like I’ve lost my way.
Michael, DC
Dear Michael:
What exactly do you mean by “doing the right thing”?
You love your wife and kids. Your wife may be having an emotional affair – and you don’t want to talk to her about it? Along with losing your way, it appears you’ve also lost your marbles and your self esteem.
If crawling away with your head down is an indication of how you’ve handle things, it’s no surprise your relationship is in such a sorry state.
For the sake of your children, I suggest you seek counseling before you make any life changing decisions.
Gather the courage to sit down and have a calm heart to heart with you wife – preferably when the kids are in school.
Let your wife know how much you love her, and don’t want to lose her. Try something novel and fight to keep your family together. If you don’t, no one else will.
Do it all with kindness and a sense of dignity.
If at the end, you part ways, you will know you did your best for your children.
Mrs. Figgins
Children Issues, Love, advice
