Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

The art of the picnic.

 

 

Plan a romantic al fresco picnic for two, an intimate group of friends or the entire family. 

Picnics are special, affordable and a fun way to show you care.   They build wonderful memories. 

Create simple snacks, lunch, hors d’oeuvres or light dinners.  

The initial investment for the staples (picnic basket, blanket & accessories) can range from the very affordable to extravagant.  However, once you have the staples, your costs will be mainly for the food and drinks. 

Rule #1:  MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A BREEZE.  

Don’t over pack!  Remember it’s the quality of the time spent together, enhanced by elegant simplicity.  It is not the quantity of things you schlep.   

Location:  If you know of a great picnic spot, stick with it.   A new location can bring unwanted surprises, so if you’re selecting a new location, make sure to take a dry run.  

Your picnic area should be reasonably close to your auto.  Expect that you’ll need to return for one thing or another.

Check List: 

• Picnic blanket

• Picnic basket with accessories.   There are many lovely disposable accessories, including plates, cutlery, water glasses, wine glasses, napkins (make sure to pack plenty).   Try them, you’ll like them!    You don’t want to schlep unnecessary items back to wash at home.  You’ll want to relax after a lovely picnic.

• Small cooler (optional).

• CD (not too loud if there are others close by!)

• Food

• Drink 

• Candles for evening rendezvous!

Back up:  Check the weather conditions ahead of time.   In areas where the weather is unpredictable, have a back up location.   Indoor spots can be every bit as wonderful.

Picnics are supposed to be fun.  Once you master the romantic art of the picnic, you’ll be hooked!

Leave your worries behind and make beautiful memories. 

 

Check out Mrs. Figgins picnic food & drink ideas!

How To,Love,More Finds,Relationships,Retirement,advice

Not Ready For Pasture!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My wife and I live in Arkansas.   At 63 we had the money saved up and thought it was the perfect time for both us to retire.  The wife is pretty happy with it all, but I’m not happy like I thought I would be.   

I miss my work, Ms. Figgins.  I miss my friends, I miss gettin in my truck and doing my daily routine. 

I guess I’m not ready to do this retiring thing.  Do I need some type of professional help?

 I’m not ready for pasture.

 

 Dear Not Ready:

The night is still young.    So are you.

Isn’t it a head scratcher how we dream of having time on our hands.  Yet when we have it, it’s double edged.   Your sense of “empty “is normal and understandable.  

What a blessing that you and your wife have planned financially for your retirement! 

 Take heart and trust that the best is truly ahead. 

 Now it’s time to come up with something that you might really like to do on a part time or full time basis.   Since you’ve planned for this day, your list should include paid or unpaid activities.     Don’t come up with silly “fillers” (leave that to stuffing sofas).  

 Think of what will fill the wells of your heart.  There’s no time like the present.

 Starting right now, starting this very moment – make of a few things you have always wanted to do.    If you try one and it doesn’t feel right, then try the next.  You have time and you have the dime.

 There are many organizations need good descent folks like you.   

 You are more valuable today than ever before.    BELIEVE!

 Mrs. Figgins

Love,Retirement,advice

Don’t bank on this ROI

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My boyfriend, whom I’ve been dating for 11 months.

We’re both 32 years old.  I have had a steady job since I was first out of college and have saved a good amount of money for my retirement. 

We’ve talked about marriage someday but nothing has been set yet.

He’s asked me to invest in his new venture.  I really don’t want to but if we’re going to have a future together I think it will show trust.

Looking for an emotional return on investment.

 

Dear Emotional:

Emotions and investments make for a down market in more ways than one.   

Your future hopes are at big risk on this one – and so is your money. 

He can’t commit on marriage and you want to commit your retirement dollars on him? 

Don’t bank on this ROI.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,Retirement,advice

Happy Motorhoming!

Dear Miss Figgins:

My wife and I are just about to retire. 

For 4 years we’ve been planning to travel around the country in our motor home.   We’ve been excited about our  golden future.   

Last month our boy called to say he’s getting a divorce,  and is moving back WITH US!   He has two kids and needs to pay child and wife support.  He’ll be broke for a good while.  

Ms. Figgins, we love our boy and we have been good parents. We paid for his schooling and helped with his wedding.  We’ve even set a little aside for our grandkids college.  If  we have to now help financially thru this divorce, my wife and I won’t be able to afford our retirement plans.   

Can you give us suggestions?  

 We love him but we’re stuck in a tough place.  

John and Mady, Wyoming

 

Dear John and Mady:

You’re hearts are in a tough place, but you’re not stuck.   

You should continue to follow the dreams which you have planned for.   

As parents, of course you want to offer your son a safe haven.  But it shouldn’t be a free ride.  Just as your son has a financial responsibility to his family, if he’s living in your home, he also has a responsibility to you.  Otherwise you’re not helping him or you.

Set boundaries of what you expect while your son is staying in your home.  Your home is not a crash pad.    

After a month of help, set a reasonable amount that he pays for rent.  Whatever you set, it will no doubt be far less than a rental.   

If he doesn’t live up to his agreement, then he needs to make other arrangements – elsewhere.   

No doubt you’ll do it all with love.   

Mrs. Figgins  

Children Issues,Love,Retirement,advice

Stress Measure

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

Last year I lost my beloved husband.  

Several girls in my bridge group are widows and they seem to keep real busy traveling and enjoying their lives. 

I haven’t been able to get on with my life since Danny passed. 

Trying to find my bearings, I’ve been reading quite a bit about loss.   I came across a very interesting article about stressful situations, and wanted to share it with you and your readers.

It’s called the “Social Readjustment Rating Scale”.    Good and bad events in a person’s life increases stress levels and can increase the risk of illness and mental health problems.

To maintain health and regain stability it is critical to adapt to changes.

In the list below, there is a “value” or number right next to the event.  Take the value of the event that has taken place in your life in the last12 months.  If a particular event has happened to you more than once within the last 12 months, multiply the value (the number mentioned above) by the number of times this event has occurred.

Add the values to obtain the total score.

For example, in the last 12 months if you have experienced the death of a spouse (100), plus a change in financial state (38) your total would be 138.

The higher your score, the more effort and diligence the person needs.

Low if your score is Below 149

Mild if your score is Between 150-200

Moderate if your score is Between 200-299

High if your score is Above 300 

1. Death of a spouse 100

2. Divorce 73

3. Marital Separation 65

4. Jail term 63

5. Death of a close family member 63

6. Personal injury or illness 53

7. Marriage 50

8. Fired at work 47

9. Marital reconciliation 45

10. Retirement 45

11. Change in health of family member 44

12. Pregnancy 40

13. Sex difficulties 39

14. Gain of a new family member 39

15. Business readjustments 39

16. Change in financial state 38

17. Death of a close friend 37

18. Change to different line of work 36

19. Change in no. of arguments with spouse 35

20. Mortgage over $ 50,000 31

21. Foreclosure of mortgage 30

22. Change in responsibilities at work 29

23. Son or daughter leaving home 29

24. Trouble with in-laws 29

25. Outstanding Personal achievements 28

26. Spouse begins or stops work 26

27. Begin or end school 26

28. Change in living conditions 25

29. Revision of personal habits 24

30. Trouble with boss 23

31. Change in work hours or conditions 20

32. Change in residence 20

33. Change in school 20

34. Change in recreation 19

35. Change in religious activities 19

36. Change in social activities 18

37. Loan less than 50,000 17

38. Change in sleeping habits 16

39. Change in number of family get- togethers 15

40. Change in eating habits 15

41. Single Person Living Alone 14

42. Vacation 13

43. Holidays 12

44. Minor violation of laws 11

45. Other * 

Marge D. in Iowa

 

Dear Marge:

Thank You for sharing this list of stressful life events.  Many will find the information valuable.

This do-it-yourself stress test was developed by Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe University of Washington School of Medicine.

Isn’t it curious how far apart the values of trouble with the boss and getting fired are? 

My how things have changed!

Mrs. Figgins

How To,Love,Retirement,advice

Fish away, Jack!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I retired a year ago this June.  I’m enjoying myself from the time the sun shows up till it tucked away.  I fish, play cards, play tennis, paint  and lawn bowl.  

My brother says he thinks it’s laziness not to at least get a part time job.  Why should I? I don’t need one.  I’m set financially and ain’t nobody’s business what I do.

What should I say to him?

Jack, Just Fine in Houston

 

Dear Jack:

Say nothing.  You do not owe anyone an explanation. 

No one is picking up your tab, so you’re spot on —”ain’t nobody’s business” what you do. 

You’re just fine!

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Relationships,Retirement,advice

Loans???

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My daughter and son-in-law recently asked my husband Bill and me for a small loan.  My son and his wife make a healthy yearly income but one of their “investments” almost failed and it was more comfortable for Mom to help.

 There was no paperwork signed.  After all, we’re family and I trusted them.   They said they would pay monthly.  Eight months have passed.  They’ve gone on two vacations since.

Maybe they think this is part of their inheritance?  BUT IT IS NOT.  Bill and I are careful about our money, and don’t have any to “lose”, or we need to go back to work at our age.

Do you think it would be OK for us to bring up the subject? 

Greta and Bill, New Mexico

 

Dear Greta and Bill.

YES, it is absolutely appropriate for you to ask about the monthly payment.  The sooner the better.

If it makes you feel more comfortable, ask if you should send a monthly reminder.  Either way, you need to address this issue. 

This was not an inheritance.  You need not feel bad or try to rationalize this. 

They owe you the money.  Plain and simple.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Love,Relationships,Retirement,advice

Walk into hornets nest, get stung.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

Three months ago, my Uncle Freddie passed away.  A month to the very day, Aunt June died.  

The last couple of years, they talked quite a bit about their wishes, and made them clearly known to everyone.  They always said they were going to make a trust, but unfortunately never got around to it.  

Now they’re gone and suddenly their four kids don’t remember (or don’t give a flying hoot) about what their parents’ wanted.  An all out war has broken out, and the family has been torn apart almost overnight. 

My parents are sad, and I am mad.  I realize that the word “family” is not all it’s cracked up to be. 

This has taught me the importance of putting things on paper.  Believing everyone will play nice at the end is foolhardy.   

The fight has become a hornets’ nest, and I don’t know what to do?  Do you?

Wanting to help!

 

Dear Wanting to Help:

If you see hornets and walk into their nest, you’re going to get stung.  

Respectfully suggest an arbitrator – and then, stay out.  

When money is involved in the “past tense”, trying to find out who’s naughty and who’s nice, is usually too late.   This sensitive issue has been exacerbated by the fact that Uncle Freddie and Aunt June died intestate (without a will or trust”).

I am no legal expert; however a trust is always the smart way to go.

Wills or trusts are responsible tools in estate planning.  The peace of mind is priceless.

Always seek professional advice.  Nowadays, there are reputable online sites that help with such matters for a reasonable price.

Wills:

In the case of  wills, (with no trust), distribution rules may vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and can be very complex.

In most instances, the spouse and/or the children of the deceased, are first to share in the estate.

Wills serve as a tool to appoint an executor overseeing your wishes.  With a will you may designate a guardian for your children, as well as appoint a trustee to administer property.

A will does not avoid probate; however, it can reduce the cost of probate and the burden to your loved ones.  Whether your property needs to go through probate is determined by how that property is titled, not whether you have a will.

Estate laws may change or differ depending on where you live.

Trusts:

While a trust may not always be necessary, there are many beneficial advantages to trusts. 

A living trust is an alternative way to own property during your life and transfer property at your death.

Revocable living trusts are completely flexible with the distribution of the family’s assets.  You will have all the present benefits of your assets without losing the ability to control them. 

The terms are changeable, flexible, and can be drafted to suit your individual needs and family situation. Yes, you can change the terms at anytime.

The trust is funded with most (or all) of your assets by “re-titling” the assets to yourself as trustee.

The assets in the trust can be re-transferred to your name if desired, without adverse tax consequences.   A living trust allows you to avoid probate.

Estate planning is a very smart move for an individual, couple or a family.

Mrs. Figgins

How To,Love,Retirement,Topics,advice

Good bet?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 I’m about to retire – and want to start a little side business.   Wife’s against it because we would need to dip into our retirement, and if the plan fails it would be real hard.  

Went to the small business bureau, and I think they’re another government front.

Went to the bank because I  thought the government wanted banks to lend to kick the economy back into action.   Doesn’t  seem promising and that leaves going into retirment money..

I’m having some problems getting the wife to go along with this plan but I feel that if I don’t go after my dreams now, when will I ever get the chance.

Bill in  Texarkana

 

Dear Bill:

A wife is the person who tells you to slow down – when you’re moving too fast. 

 The bank is the place that loans you money -  when you can prove you don’t need it  – or even want it!  

These are times of uncertainty, Bill.   Unless you can aford to gamble and possibly lose, slow down and don’t gamble the farm.   

My advice:  Bet on your wife’s intuition.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askdrromance.com         

Free Advice On Relationships & Everday Topics by Mrs. Figgins

Love,Retirement,advice

REFORM?

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband and I are completely baffled by all this health care talk.

A friend of ours from Europe came to the United States just for their surgery. So how bad can the good old USA be?

We’re happy with our insurance, and we care about what happens to those who are less fortunate but we’re sick and tired of the cronyism and abuse of power that we’re seeing. Who can be trusted?

Based on your travels, can you shed some light on this mess?

Millie & Herb, Almost Seniors in Nevada

 

Dear Millie & Herb:

WE’RE ALL SICK OF IT!  

 It doesn’t matter the color of our skin or party affiliation.  We’re all sick of the fast talking politicians.

The good old USA has the best health care system in the world – and I’ve yet to meet one capitalist that doesn’t agree with the words of Ronald Reagan:

“ the preservation and enhancement of the values that strengthen and protect individual freedom, family life, communities and neighborhoods and the liberty of our beloved nation should be at the heart of any legislative or political program presented to the American people.”

My advice:  TRUST in GOD, first.  And trust in the VOTE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

What we need is far reaching health care reform – not a shot in the dark redo of 1/6 the American economy by a government that hasn’t been faintly successful in running the Post Office, Medicare and Rail System.

Encourage and reward competition and market forces to bear, and ensure access to affordable and portable health care coverage for every American. Put patients and their doctors in charge, not the government. Tackle tort reform, and rampant fraud.   And YES, we can help those who cannot afford to buy their own health care.

Millie & Herb, I personally know socialism and I know communism.  It’s a very black hole.  The good people of America need to sleep with both eyes open at this time and heed the ominous signs.

Regarding your question on Health Care, the Heritage Foundation has put it best. Our sincere appreciation for the following:

Putting citizens, not government, in charge of health care:

“America’s doctors and medical institutions are the envy of the world. The level of expertise and the pace of innovation in U.S. health care are unmatched.

Yet many Americans worry whether they will have access to medical care when they need it.  The reason is that America’s health insurance system does not function very well.

Too many Americans lack health insurance, there are gaps in coverage, and costs are increasing at an alarming rate.  Health insurance is usually not portable from job to job, and consumers have very little choice about what their insurance covers.

Unfortunately, the left has seized on the problem to push its own solutions, all of which involve more government control.  With the implied promise of something for nothing, and few alternative solutions offered, they are gaining traction.

The nationalization of our health care would be a disaster for Americans of every age and income group. The innovation, high quality and advanced treatment techniques which characterize our current system would be degraded, and if the experience of other countries is any guide, rationing of care, especially at the end of life, would become the norm.

The conservative alternative to socialized medicine is to enact serious reforms in current tax and insurance law that would expand personal ownership and control of health insurance and transfer the control of health care dollars to individuals and families.

These reforms would move today’s bureaucracy-driven, heavily regulated third-party payment system to a new patient-centered system of consumer choice and real free-market competition.”

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Retirement,Topics,advice