Ask Mrs Figgins » Children Issues

Kids – to have or not to have?

Mrs. Figgins — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:05:04 +0000

Oh boy…kids!!!

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a 34 year old man who has been in a relationship with a woman for several years. She has a seven year old son from a previous marriage. I would like to have a child of my own as well, and I brought up that desire since we’ve planned to get married in the near future. The problem is she doesn’t want to have another child, mainly because of her age (39) and fear of having a sick child.

Of course she is not getting any younger and continues to resist the idea. I just don’t know what to do. I would feel very guilty of breaking this relationship and hurting her, as well as her son with whom I developed a bond over the years.

Although, he does have a father in his life who shares custody. Also, my parents are devastated she doesn’t want kids with me and it’s all taking a toll.

I just don’t know how to handle this in the best way.

Thanks for your time.

Allen

Dear Allen:

She has been very honest with you about her feelings. And, her reasons for not wanting another child is understandable, and not because she doesn’t love you.

In turn, you must search your heart and figure out if her decision is something you can live with, or if you’ll resent it in the future.

If your desire to have a child is ultimately important – staying in a relationship out of guilt is not a good enough reason.

The best way to ever handle anything is to be honest.

You must be courageous, kind and let her know the reason you breaking off the relationship because of your desire to become a father.

Time will take care of the rest.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

14 year old daughter wants surgery

Mrs. Figgins — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:40:08 +0000

ASPS

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My 14 year old is really into basketball, she’s a freshman

in highschool and she wants to join the team. The only problem is

that she’s been having problems with her chest when she tries to play

and we were told by her doctor that there is no way she can play this

year without a reduction surgery. She has a F cup bust size and she

is eligable for the surgery but I still feel like she is too young

and might regret it later in life. Dispite the pain, she still

practices every day and I would feel so bad telling her no. Any

advice you could give to me would be appreciated.

Thanks

SK

Dear SK:

Breast augmentation – breast reduction – is a major step for most women, and not uncommon in young women. It often plays a very positive role helping boost self-esteem and body image.

Your daughter may benefit greatly from breast reduction.

However, the need for careful screening by a board certified doctor is critical. It is not just the physical examination; it’s also an assessment of patients’ emotional and mental health and stability. Remember the consultation is a 2-way street. You should assess the surgeon to determine whether he or she is competent, caring, and appropriate. And the surgeon assesses the patient for appropriateness for the surgery.

Do your homework!

You should never do surgery — at any age or in any patient — unless the benefits outweigh the risks and the improvement that’s possible is greater than the costs and risks of surgery.

“The American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) is the largest plastic surgery specialty organization in the world. Founded in 1931, the society is composed of board-certified plastic surgeons who perform cosmetic and reconstructive surgery.”

Whether you’re considering cosmetic or reconstructive plastic surgery, you want the skill of an ASPS Member Surgeon—a doctor with more than six years of surgical training and experience, with at least three years specifically in plastic surgery. Their training and experience make them uniquely qualified to perform your cosmetic or reconstructive procedure.”

http://www.plasticsurgery.org/

http://www.plasticsurgery.org/Media/Briefing_Papers/Plastic_Surgery_for_Teenagers.html

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Put the brakes on Mama

Mrs. Figgins — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 16:29:40 +0000

1/2 the problem

Dear Mrs Figgins:

My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage and I am at the end of my tether.

I got pregnant before my husband and I married and she thinks I tricked him. She has done everything to humiliate me saying that I was irresponsible and thoughtless. She has said that I interfered with his college. By the way I was also going to college. The most hurtful of all is when she calls my son a “mistake” right in front of him.

My husband just says there’s nothing he can do about her and completely dismisses my feelings.

I don’t think this is healthy for my son or my marriage

Lisa, Detroit Lakes

Dear Lisa:

Your husband has allowed his mother to humiliate you and your son. They are equally culpable.

The future of your marriage depends on what kind of man he is, and on your own self-respect.

Hubbby needs to put the brakes on Mama and become a real father and husband, or you’ll be writing the same unfortunate letter a few years from now.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Husband in dog house!

Mrs. Figgins — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 04:38:54 +0000

In The Dog House!

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My wife is pregnant with our first child. I love her but she is driving me nuts feeling guilty about every little thing “we” eat or drink – even how she sleeps!

If I don’t chime to make her feel better about her choices, she gets upset because I’m not being sensitive enough.

I’m beginning to decorate the dog house!

How do men get thru this?

George, White Plains

Dear George:

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.

A mother wants the best for her baby and she is always second guessing her choices. The changes she faces seem endless and overwhelming.

You get “thru this” by by doing everything possible to be sympathetic and empathetic. When you think you’ve done enough - keep going.

Think of it this way: Would you like to change places with your wife?

So shape up George, or back on time-out!

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Baby brings changes

Mrs. Figgins — Sun, 30 May 2010 16:18:57 +0000

Changes

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My wife and I are very happy parents of 18 month old beautiful little boy.

I feel things different. We love one to the other but life has been changed much by this 30 lb energy bundle.

I don’t complaining and I put one feet in front of the other.

Ralph, Munich

Dear Ralph:

When you have a baby emotional fireworks happen. Then the dust settles and everything is different from what it was before. Yes Ralph, different.

Along the way, with GOD’S help, our commitment to our spouse and good parenting, we realize how blessed we truly are.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

He shouldn’t date women with kids!

Mrs. Figgins — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 04:04:57 +0000

Don’t put kids at risk!

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a divorced man with two children whom I love very much.

I was dating a woman for four years with a son. We were like a family. She left me for another man and I was heartbroken.

Recently I started dating a woman with two kids. I don’t want to go through another heartbreak. This theme seems to follow me.

Should I not date women with kids?

Francisco

Dear Francisco:

NO. Don’t date women with kids. This “theme” is not about “your” heartbreak. It’s all about the KIDS and their well-being and their heartbreak, not yours.

Be man enough to NOT date a woman with kids if your intentions are to play the field. If that’s the case date a single woman.

It’s that simple.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Mom & Dad need to say – NO.

Mrs. Figgins — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 04:31:16 +0000

Knowing when to just say “NO”

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

We’re worried about our son. He’s dropped out of high school, she doesn’t want to work. He goes out with friends and home is just a place for to sometimes sleep and get a change of clothes.

He only likes designer tenny shoes, designer shirts, designer things. He thinks we are the bank of Mom and Dad. Except this Mom and Dad struggle to make the rent and by the food.

We have been able to get him jobs, but no more. He’s burned those bridges to.

Nothing we can do helps him. Can you think of something we can do to make a difference?

Paula and Marvin

Dear Paula and Marvin.

Kids today seem to know everything “designer”. Unfortunately, they know the value of very few things. The generation today, has had much handed to them, and yet worked for very little.

Our job as parents is to love our children, and prepare them for life. Enabling them sets them up for a mighty fall.

May advise: Just say “NO”. Lay down a set of rules - and requirements. Stick with your program. It may be your road-map to “hope”. That’s the help your son needs.

Not the least, you and your husband deserve better. Remember, you’re important, too.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Summer camp for kids

Mrs. Figgins — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 16:42:15 +0000

Summer Camp

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

We are a family of 4 (two kids 7 & 9 plus mom & dad) thinking about summer camp for the kids this year.

My husband thinks it would be great for us to have a little time without the kids. I want to go along with the idea but I’m scared out of my mind to have the kids away overnight.

Do you think it’s a bad or good idea?

Michele and Dave, Huntington Beach, CA

Dear Michele and Dave:

Take time to do a little research.

Summer camp presents a wonderful opportunity for kids to expand their horizons, discover their strengths, and make lasting friends. It can add to the children’s development.

If you don’t want the kids away from home overnight, check out summer “day” camps. Many appreciate the support of parent volunteers, so you’ll be able to keep a close eye.

As an added benefit, allowing the kids this experience will also give Mom and Dad quality time.

Mrs. Figgins

Advice on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with straightforward common sense and old fashioned values

April Is National Autism Month

Mrs. Figgins — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 16:28:11 +0000

HOPE

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

We read the letter from Jackie in Minnesota and want her to know she and her family is not alone.

April is National Autism Month. Please print the following information from the Autism Society and help us bring more awareness to this very important cause.

Thank You, Mrs. Figgins.

Maria and Matt, Bethesda

Dear Maria and Matt,

Thank You for your letter and sharing the information below.

I’m certain Jackie is grateful for the support and kind words, as are many parents in her position.

Mrs. Figgins

National Autism Awareness Month

In order to highlight the growing need for concern and awareness about autism, the Autism Society has been celebrating National Autism Awareness Month since the 1970s. The United States recognizes April as a special opportunity for everyone to educate the public about autism and issues within the autism community.

Want to get involved with the autism community this April? Show your support this month by joining the Autism Society in wearing the ribbon, bouncing for autism, texting, and more!

Put on the Puzzle! The Autism Awareness Puzzle Ribbon is the most recognized symbol of the autism community in the world. Autism prevalence is now one in every 110 children in America – that’s 13 million families and growing who live with autism today. Show your support for people with autism by wearing the Autism Awareness Puzzle Ribbon this month – as a pin on your shirt, a magnet on your car, a badge on your blog, or even your Facebook profile picture – and educate folks on the potential of people with autism! For suggestions and resources, visit www.autism-society.org/ribbon.

Spread the word. Helping the autism community can be as easy as updating your Facebook or Twitter status! On April 1, the Autism Society is asking supporters to change their status on Facebook and/or Twitter to “Autism affects 1 in 110. Text “AUTISM” to 50555 to donate $10 to the Autism Society. Help spread the word: http://bit.ly/bUAVRf.”

For the first time ever, supporters can now simply text “AUTISM” to 50555 to donate $10 to the Autism Society. 100% of your donations will go to support the Autism Society’s mission of improving the lives of all affected by autism.

Make a difference. There are several important bills moving through Congress that will have important effects on the autism community – safer educational settings (Keeping All Students Safe Act), better autism services (Autism Treatment Acceleration Act), greater financial independence (Achieving a Better Life Experience Act), better protection against toxic chemicals (Toxic Substances Control Act Reform, introduction anticipated soon), and more.

For more information about this legislation and to take action to support it, visit www.vote4autism.org.

Connect with your neighborhood. The Autism Society and inflatable playground franchise Pump It Up are bouncing again with “Bounce for Autism” – over 100 community-based fundraising events that combine family fun with raising awareness and support for autism in locations nationwide that welcome children on the autism spectrum.

Many Autism Society local chapters also put on events in the community through the month of April. But if you can’t find an event that suits you just right, create your own! 1Power4Autism is an online tool that makes it easy to mobilize friends and family and help make a difference.

Bounce for Autism: www.bounceforautism.org
Autism Society chapters: www.autism-society.org/chapters
1Power4Autism: www.1power4autism.org

Watch a movie. Did you know that something that seems as simple as going to the movies is not an option for many families affected by autism?

The Autism Society is working with AMC entertainment to bring special-needs families “Sensory Friendly Films” every month. Our special showing of How to Train Your Dragon is coming to a theatre near you on April 10. Or, you could see a movie about autism itself – the Autism Society is partnering with the Independent Television Service (ITVS) to support 70 community screenings of the new movie The Horse Boy, based on the memoir of the same name. In the film, Rupert Isaacson shares the inspiring story of how he and his wife learned to think of their son’s autism as an adventure rather than a curse, a beginning rather than an end. Find participating locations for both events at:

Sensory Friendly Films: www.autism-society.org/sensoryfilms
The Horse Boy: http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/horse-boy/

Advice on everyday issues dispensed by Mrs Figgins with straightforward common sense and old fashioned values

Abuse Shelter offer help

Mrs. Figgins — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 04:00:13 +0000

Protect The Children

Hello, mrs. figgins

I am currently in the a town of california called windsor but i will be moving to the city of santa rosa,ca that’s where my kids are currently now it’s not that far away but i want to get them safe as well but i don’t have custody of them that’s what i am working at right now. I am mostly worried about them and i want to make them safe as soon as possible i can myself be able to call the police if they intent to get in the house or what ever the situation maybe but they can’t. Please respond me as soon as possible thank you and my respects to you and god bless.

Esmeralda

Dear Esmeralda:

Please call one of the following hotlines. They may not be close to your house but they will be able to tell you where to go for help.

Be very careful and plan ahead.

GOD Bless,

Mrs. Figgins

La Casa de las Madres
San Francisco, California
Crisis Line: 877. 503. 1850
Email: info@lacasa.org

Marin Abused Women’s Services
San Rafael, California
Line: (415) 457-2464
Email: contact@maws.org

SAVE (Safe Alternatives to violent Environments) 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (510) 794-6055 Fremont, California (near Washington Hospital)
Email: info@save-dv.org

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Advice & opinion on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values by Mrs. Figgins