Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

 

Traditions!

 

Dear Mrs Figgins:

I am 42 years old and never thought I would settle down.  I’ve met a Japanese girl that has turned my whole life around and I want to ask her to share my life with me. 

Her parents are from Japan and very traditional.  I need to get this right and you can probably tell that I am not Japanese.  What is the most proper way to go about this?

Jeremy, WA   

 

Dear Jeremy,

Japan is a country of traditions and showing respect to this rich and wonderful culture is very important. 

I suggest you find the most romantic and charming way of proposing.   

After you have proposed, and if she says “YES”, then one of the most important steps you’ll ever take is meeting with her parents to discuss your intentions and ask for her hand in marriage.   

When you meet with them for this purpose, bring a small gift.  Make sure you ask both parents at the same time.   Perhaps your girlfriend can help you learn a few key and appropriate sentences in Japanese.  This little bit of goodwill is certain to endear the in-laws..   

Family and friends will understand that you may not be familiar with Japanese etiquette, so don’t be afraid to ask for help in navigating thru custom intricacies.

Our appreciation to Shizuko Mishima for the following:

Many weddings take place in spring and fall in Japan. Most weddings are held at hotels or wedding halls where chapels and shrines are conveniently located within the facilities. A Japanese wedding ceremony may be Shinto, Christian, Buddhist, or non-religious styles. Couples choose the style of their wedding ceremonies, and it doesn’t necessarily match with one’s religion. Non-Christian couples often have their weddings at chapels in Japan.

Traditional Japanese wedding ceremonies are Shinto-style and are held at shrines. Brides wear traditional wedding kimono called shiromuku (white kimono robe), and grooms wear montsuki (black formal kimono), haori  (kimono jacket), and hakama (kimono pants).

It’s common that only family members and close relatives of couples attend Shinto-style wedding ceremonies. A ceremony includes sake drinking rituals, exchanging wedding rings, and more. There are neither bridesmaids nor a best man. Traditionally an older married couple called nakoudo (matchmaker) attend a Japanese wedding ceremony, but this tradition isn’t often observed in recent years.

After wedding ceremonies, wedding reception parties called “kekkon hiroen” are held. The style and scale of wedding receptions vary depending on the regions. Typically, relatives, friends, co-workers, and neighbors are invited to wedding receptions. People usually dress formally to attend a Japanese wedding. Female guests wear dresses, suits, or kimono. Male guests wear black formal suits.

When you receive an invitation card to a wedding reception, you need to return the enclosed card and let them know if you can attend or not as soon as possible. If you are attending a Japanese wedding reception, you are expected to bring cash for a gift. The amount depends on your relationship with the couple and the region, unless fixed amount is indicated in the invitation card. It is recommended to ask someone who is attending the same wedding. The average is 30,000 yen for a friend’s wedding. It’s important that the cash is enclosed in a special envelope called shugi-bukuro, and your name is written on the front. It’s polite to use new bills with no creasing. When you go to the party, hand the envelope to the person at the reception desk and sign your name in the guestbook.

During a wedding reception, the married couple sits on a stage, enjoying the guests’ speeches and performances. Many people sing congratulating songs for the couple. It’s typical for the couple to cut a wedding cake and to walk around the reception room, lighting the candles and greeting guests. A full course meal is often served. It’s common for the bride and broom to change costumes a couple of times. Colorful wedding kimono worn by brides are called iro-uchikake.

Wedding souvenirs are called hikidemono in Japanese. They are often tablewares, sweets, interiors, and so on. In recent years, gift catalogs from which guests can choose gifts are popular for hikidemono. The average cost of a typical Japanese wedding is said to be a couple million yen, and the number of guest ranges from 50 to 200 for an average couple.

Best Wishes!

Mrs Figgins         

    

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

 

 

Etiquette,How To,Love,Relationships,advice

Moving Day!!!

 

Dear Mrs Figgins,

My fiancé and I will be married next March. 

We are both in our thirties and have a lot of “stuff”. 

I am in charge of organizing our move and packing both apartments to move into our new home.

This is overwhelming to me and I would appreciate any tips you have on where to begin this undertaking? 

Bride-On-The-Move in Philly

 

Dear Bride-On-The-Move,

First of all congratulations!  This is a joyful time.  It is important that you remove as much stress as possible from your pile, so concentrate on the happy memories you’ll be making.   

That said, it is certainly understandable how one can feel overwhelmed with one let alone to apartments to move!  However, if you follow some simple moving rules, it should become much less stressful.

Since you seem to have some time yet, make it easy on yourself and your fiancé.  

Take a quick assessment of one room at a time, one day at a time.  Do this for each apartment.

With each room, take out what you can give or throw away?

Doing this first will allow you to still have time in your day and evening to do what you should be doing…having fun!

Once you have completed this first round, follow these simple rules.

The less stress you feel, the healthier for everyone.  Remember it is just a move.  And this one is an exciting one!.

Our thanks to Movers-Edge for the great tips listed below.   Some may or may not apply to you, but it is a great list for organizing even the most daunting move!

Again, many congratulations and best wishes!

Mrs Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

  

Organize!!!

 

 

MOVING TIPS: 

GETTING ORGANIZED:

Start early-  Almost everyone has more stuff than they think they do, and almost no one leaves enough time to pack it.

1. Room Lists- Start by forming two room lists, one for your current place and one for your future place.  This will help you manage what has to go where.

2. Room Inventory- Go to each room and write down the types of things that need to be packed: furniture items, length of shelving, closets, etc. 

3. Time Allotment- Make sure to leave enough time.  The most common timeframe reported by people moving is that it takes a month to pack.  One study reported that it takes 4-5 hours to pack an average dorm room, so that should give you an idea of what’s involved.

4. Calendar- Pull out a calendar and plan by day when each room will be completed.

5. Delegation- If you’re moving with family members, agree with them exactly while tasks they will be doing and the date they will be finished.

6. Track your progress- at least once per week track where you are against the date on the calendar.  Revise your plan if you’re falling behind.

FINDING GREAT MOVERS:

1. Only hire the best-  If you choose to hire professional movers, do your research and hire good ones.  Poor quality movers really can be worse than none at all.

2. Referrals-  Get referrals from local real estate agents and friends who have moved recently.

3. Licensing-  Only consider movers that are licensed, bonded and insured.

4. Research-  Investigate your potential movers through the U.S. Department of Transportation, MovingScam-dot-com and the Better Business Bureau.

5. In-home estimates- Evaluate a minimum of 3 movers based on in-home estimates of goods to be moved.

6. Price- Price isn’t the only factor- extremely low bids indicate a desperate mover.

7. “Binding Not-To-Exceed”- Ask for written “Binding Not-To-Exceed” estimates.

8. Avoid “rogue movers”- if you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts!  Never agree to move your possessions with anyone you don’t trust.

GENERAL PACKING TIPS:

1. Pack a suitcase- For each member of the family moving, pack a suitcase as if you’re all going on a 3-day vacation, including changes of clothes, medications, eyeglasses, toiletries, etc.  Keep the suitcases separated from all the other items to be moved, such as in your car, at your new workplace, etc. so you’ll have everything you need for the first few days without searching through boxes.

2. Create “Open Me First” boxes- Pick one or two boxes per room as “Open Me First” boxes.  Put in them the things you’ll need first at your new location.  Then mark the sides of the boxes so you’ll know which ones are which.

3. One at a time-  Wherever possible, work on packing just one room at a time (instead of several all at once) to keep things focused and organized.

4. Less is more-  Use packing as a way to clean out belongings for donations, a yard sale, and/or the recycling center.  Aim to eliminate 1/3 of your belongings.  You’ll save time and expense.

5. Off the floor- Instead of the floor, use a completely cleared-off table top or counter in each room for packing boxes.  You’ll find you get much more accomplished.

6. Tracking small parts- When taking apart items to be moved, such as tables, securely tape screws and other small parts securely to the underside of the item.  You’ll always know where to look and save time putting things back together.

7. Save space- Use towels, pillows and t-shirts you’re packing as extra padding around fragile items.  It will save room in your boxes.

8. Criss-cross tape- Tape boxes along the seams where the flaps meet together.  Then tape perpendicularly at the center of the first tape, forming a cross.

9. Stacking-  Stack boxes with the heaviest on the bottom, lightest on top to prevent crushing.

10. The 30-pound rule-  Keep each box below 50 pounds absolute maximum and below 30 pounds wherever possible.  Heavier boxes lead to injuries, are much more likely to burst their tape or seams and tend to get dropped.

11. Scale- Keep a bathroom scale in the room you’re packing so you can keep the boxes below the weight limits.

 PACKING ELECTRONICS:

1. A picture is worth 1000 words-  Use a digital or cell phone camera to take pictures of how complicated wiring (computer cords, speaker wires) is hooked up.  Be sure to use plenty of light and careful focus so the pictures will be clear. Print each picture and put it in the top of the box holding the item.  This will make hooking up the items in your new place much easier.

2. Original is best-  Always use the original packaging when available.  (I realize that most of us don’t have the original packaging for much of anything, but I thought I would bring it up anyway).

3. Double boxing-  For especially fragile electronics, pack them first in a box with an excessive amount of biodegradable packing peanuts.  Then pack that box in a larger box filled with biodegradable packing peanuts.  This two-box system seems like a pain but seems to do a better job isolating items from jarring impacts.

4. No loose ends-  Wrap each cord carefully with cable organizers, heavy twist ties or heavy rubber bands.  Never throw unwrapped cords into boxes- they get tangled and caught on other items.

5. Cord labels-  Consider getting a label maker and labeling the end of each.  Then you’ll know exactly which cord you’re seeing and where each end connects when you put things back together.

6. The two-inch rule-  Use at least 2″ of biodegradable packing peanuts around each side of fragile items. 

BOX INVENTORY & LABELING:

1. “Fat” is in-  Use the thickest, darkest marker you can find for labeling boxes. Pencils, pens, tin or light markers are almost impossible to see even just a few feet away.

2. Two sides-  Label each box on the two broadest sides, opposite one another.  That way if a box gets turned, you can still identify its contents.

3.  Abbreviate room names-  Start box labels with the abbreviated name of the room followed by a box number, such as “BTH2-6” for “second bathroom, 6th box.”  You can then track each box to make sure everything arrived safely.

4. Label “Open Me First” on boxes where it applies.

5. Mark “Fragile” where appropriate.

6. Identify contents- Identify the major contents and where they came from, such as “Medicine Cabinet” or “Linen Closet- Towels and Wash Cloths.”

7. Box Inventory-  Keep a clipboard and write down each box’s room, box number and contents (graph paper is great for keeping things recorded neatly). 

8. Verifying delivery- When unloading, check off each box as it gets unloaded at your new place.  Then you’ll know everything arrived safely.

9. Labels out- Ask movers to stack boxes in your new place with the labels facing out so that you can easily spot a specific box.

LETTING PEOPLE KNOW:

1. Post Office- File your change of address with the Post Office at least 30 days prior to the date of the move.

2. Referrals- Ask everyone you notify for a referral in your new area.

3. Records- Get copies of your existing records (transcripts from schools, medical records from doctors, etc.) while you’re notifying the changes of address. 

CHANGE OF ADDRESS /  WHO TO NOTIFY:

1. Accountant/tax preparer; Alumni associations; Attorneys

2. Babysitter/ child care provider; Banks (auto loans, checking accounts, credit cards, home equity, IRA’s, mortgage, safe deposit box, savings account); Broker; Business cards (order new ones if applicable)

3. Cell phone provider; Child care/ daycare; Chiropractor; Courts, especially for traffic tickets or local disputes; Credit bureaus; Credit card issuers

4. Dentist; Department of Motor Vehicles; Diaper service; Doctor; Dry cleaning pick-up and delivery

5. Family members and friends

6. Health clubs; House cleaning service; House of worship

7. Insurance providers (auto, health, life, other vehicles); IRS (form 8822)

8. Lawn care; Luggage tags (replace existing ones)

9. Magazine subscriptions

10. New business cards; New employer; Newspaper subscriptions

11. Old employer; Orthodontist

12. Parent-teacher association; Passport; Pet sitter/ dog walker/ pet day care; Pharmacy (BONUS: get year-to-date expense summary for taxes); Physical therapist; Physician (BONUS: get referral for new location); Post office; Professional organizations

13. Retirement plan holders; Return address labels (order new ones)

14. Schools (BONUS: get copies of transcripts); Snow removal service; Social Security Administration; Swimming pool maintenance (pool cleaning, pool opening or closing); Swimming pool memberships

15. Veterinarian BONUS get vet records and recommendations

16. Water delivery service

 MOVING WITH KIDS:

1. Get a children’s book on moving for smaller kids.  Consider “The Berenstain Bears’ Moving Day.”

2. If appropriate, let children pick their room.

3. If possible, let kids pick a decoration (poster, light switch, name banner, etc.) for their new room. 

4. Pack a kid’s sized suitcase and let each child pick out a special toy to keep with them and a special outfit to wear on “new home day.”

5. If the child has a special dish or cup, include it in the kitchen “Open Me First” box so familiar items await them at their new place.

6. Consider unpacking the kids’ rooms first, or at least their “Open Me First” boxes to help them settle in. 

OPEN ME FIRST BOX:  THE KITCHEN:

1. Aluminum foil or plastic wrap

2. Break-proof or disposable flatware, cups, and plates

3. Coffee maker and coffee (don’t forget the filters!)

4. Dish detergent

5. Frying pan and spatula

6. Pet food and bowels

7. Scissors

8. Tea kettle

OPEN ME FIRST BOX:  MAIN BATHROOM

1. Bath mat

2. Bath towels

3. First-aid kit (aspirin, band-aids, hydrogen peroxide)

4. Shampoo

5. Shower curtain and rings

6. Soap

7. Toilet paper

8. Toothbrushes and toothpaste

OPEN ME FIRST BOX:  TOOL ROOM OR DRAWER

1. Duct tape

2. Flashlight

3. Flat-head screwdriver

4. Hammer

5. Level

6. Phillips-head screwdriver

7. Picture hangers

8. Tape measure

9. Utility knife

MOVING DAY:

1.  Again, start early- You want to have everything as organized as possible prior to the arrival of the movers.

2. Use sitters-  Recruit help in watching your small kids and pets on Moving Day.  Your attention will be needed for the nuts and bolts of the move.

3. Have food ready-  Whether you have professional movers or friends and family, having coffee, orange juice, and bagels or donuts available will make it easier for everyone to get started.

4. Cell phone numbers- Make sure you have the cell phone number of the driver of the truck entered into your cell phone, and that the driver has yours in case you get separated or have a problem.

5. Proper payment- Almost all professional movers will demand payment in full and in cash before they will unpack a single box.  Make sure you have payment ready.

6. Directions- Have directions and a map ready for anyone will be driving between your old place and your new place.

UNPACKING:

1. Unpacking Plan- Just like with packing, have a plan for unpacking.  Otherwise you’re likely to end up frustrated with a sea of half-opened boxes with your necessities still “missing in action.”

2. Prioritize Rooms- Focus on “Open Me First” boxes in the bathrooms and kitchen first. 

3. Trash and Recyclable Boxes- Keep at least one trash bag (for the real trash) and one large emptied box (to hold used packing paper and biodegradable “peanuts”) available in each room BEFORE you start the heavy unpacking.

4. Time Limits- Set an objective of unpacking a certain number of boxes each day until all the boxes are all unpacked.

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

How To,Love,Relationships,advice

Stress Measure

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

Last year I lost my beloved husband.  

Several girls in my bridge group are widows and they seem to keep real busy traveling and enjoying their lives. 

I haven’t been able to get on with my life since Danny passed. 

Trying to find my bearings, I’ve been reading quite a bit about loss.   I came across a very interesting article about stressful situations, and wanted to share it with you and your readers.

It’s called the “Social Readjustment Rating Scale”.    Good and bad events in a person’s life increases stress levels and can increase the risk of illness and mental health problems.

To maintain health and regain stability it is critical to adapt to changes.

In the list below, there is a “value” or number right next to the event.  Take the value of the event that has taken place in your life in the last12 months.  If a particular event has happened to you more than once within the last 12 months, multiply the value (the number mentioned above) by the number of times this event has occurred.

Add the values to obtain the total score.

For example, in the last 12 months if you have experienced the death of a spouse (100), plus a change in financial state (38) your total would be 138.

The higher your score, the more effort and diligence the person needs.

Low if your score is Below 149

Mild if your score is Between 150-200

Moderate if your score is Between 200-299

High if your score is Above 300 

1. Death of a spouse 100

2. Divorce 73

3. Marital Separation 65

4. Jail term 63

5. Death of a close family member 63

6. Personal injury or illness 53

7. Marriage 50

8. Fired at work 47

9. Marital reconciliation 45

10. Retirement 45

11. Change in health of family member 44

12. Pregnancy 40

13. Sex difficulties 39

14. Gain of a new family member 39

15. Business readjustments 39

16. Change in financial state 38

17. Death of a close friend 37

18. Change to different line of work 36

19. Change in no. of arguments with spouse 35

20. Mortgage over $ 50,000 31

21. Foreclosure of mortgage 30

22. Change in responsibilities at work 29

23. Son or daughter leaving home 29

24. Trouble with in-laws 29

25. Outstanding Personal achievements 28

26. Spouse begins or stops work 26

27. Begin or end school 26

28. Change in living conditions 25

29. Revision of personal habits 24

30. Trouble with boss 23

31. Change in work hours or conditions 20

32. Change in residence 20

33. Change in school 20

34. Change in recreation 19

35. Change in religious activities 19

36. Change in social activities 18

37. Loan less than 50,000 17

38. Change in sleeping habits 16

39. Change in number of family get- togethers 15

40. Change in eating habits 15

41. Single Person Living Alone 14

42. Vacation 13

43. Holidays 12

44. Minor violation of laws 11

45. Other * 

Marge D. in Iowa

 

Dear Marge:

Thank You for sharing this list of stressful life events.  Many will find the information valuable.

This do-it-yourself stress test was developed by Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe University of Washington School of Medicine.

Isn’t it curious how far apart the values of trouble with the boss and getting fired are? 

My how things have changed!

Mrs. Figgins

How To,Love,Retirement,advice

The Visit!

 

Dear Mrs Figgins:

How long should you wait in the inner dr’s office unnoticed before you open the door and ask if they have forgotten about you?

SH

 

Dear SH:

While the average waiting time at a doctor’s office can be 25 minutes, unfortunately some patients fine their wait can last for “hours”.

 “Fee-for-service” medicine with low reimbursement rates continues to force doctors to schedule more patients into each day, and that is precisely why patients end up waiting so long to get in.

If possible, ask for the first appointment of the day or the first appointment immediately after the office lunch break.

Before leaving for your appointment, call the  office to see  if  the doctor is running on time.

Check in with the receptionist 10-15 minutes before your scheduled appointment to give you enough time to fill out any necessary paperwork.  If you run late, another patient may slip into your allotted time.

Write down your current list of medications and a concise list of questions.

Be prepared!  Remember, the doctor doesn’t want to run late any more than you do.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette,How To,advice

Dating Tips!

 

Dating tips for teens and young adults!

#1:   SAFETY FIRST. 

• Get to know this person whom you might like to date.    Introduce him or her to your parents & friends FIRST.    

• Meet your dates family and friends well before you begin to date seriously. 

#2:   Don’t settle.  Take your time and trust that “time” is a friend.

• Never settle for the first person that comes your way.  You have a world of wonderful possibilities ahead of you.   

• Just because you go on your first date and have a great time, that doesn’t mean that this person is long term material.  Everyone is on good behavior at first, no matter what your age. 

• You’ll begin to get a better picture of the person you are dating…after a year of spending time with them.

• Take  your time and trust that “time” is a friend.

#3:   Don’t compromise your belief system. 

• If you have a strong faith background, your religious foundation will serve you well. 

• Don’t assume that because your date is of the same faith they have the same ethical and moral compass that you do.  

• Begin slowly to discuss issues that are important to each of you.  Take time…and let “time” help you sort things out.   

#4:   Honesty. 

• Be honest about who you are, your faith, your values and your beliefs.

• Honesty is the basis for all relationships.  If dating doesn’t work out, you may well have a lasting friendship.

#5:   Sex, marriage and your expectations before intimacy.

• Before you get to the point where it becomes an issue, discuss things like sex and marriage.  Share your personal beliefs and expectations.  This will let you know if you are on the same page, and if you want to continue dating.  

• If your personal beliefs are an issue between you,  this person is not the one for you.

#6:   If someone wants to change you…RUN!  

• You don’t always need to agree on everything, but you do need to be able to talk about all issues even if you have different viewpoints.

• Do not date someone who asks you to do something that is against your core beliefs. 

#7:   Listen to your friends and family.  

• Many times we can’t see simple warning signs in front of us.   

• Strive for clarity and wisdom.  Ask your family and friends for their opinion.  If they see red flag warnings (no matter how small), there is probably a good reason.  

• Engage those who love you in conversation about what they don’t like and don’t like about the person you are dating.  Listen…really listen to your parents and friends if they suspect red flags.

#8:   Share your date time with friends who love you and share your same values.

• It’s fine to spend time just the two of you, but don’t shut your friends out.   It is important for friends who love you and share your same values to spend time with you as a couple and see your interactions.

• This time in your life is all about exploring who you are together. Sharing time together with friends will begin to paint a good picture of your relationship and what may lie ahead. 

#9:   Respect.

• Always remember, the respect bar you set for yourself, is the respect you’ll receive. 

#10:   Make it fun! 

• Fun and laughter are a great beginning, middle and for the long run.  

• Enjoy yourself!   

Children Issues,How To,Love,Relationships,Topics,advice

Favorite Recipe!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I wanted to share my husbands favorite turkey meatloaf recipe.

I hope your readers enjoy it too!

Jan Guitierez, AZ

 

Dear Jan:

This is a delicious recipe that everyone is sure to enjoy.

Thank You for sharing it!  Here it is!

Mrs. Figgins 

 

 

Best Turkey Meat Loaf

 

Turkey Meatloaf!

 

Ingredients

• Vegetable cooking spray

• 1/2 cup plain bread crumbs

• 1/2 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

• 1/4 cup chopped garlic herb-marinated sun-dried tomatoes

• 2 cloves garlic, minced (optional)

• 2 eggs, lightly beaten

• 3 tablespoons whole milk

• 1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese

• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt (recommended Kosher)

• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

• 1 pound ground turkey

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Place an oven rack in the center of the oven.

Spray a 9 by 5-inch loaf pan with vegetable cooking spray.

In a large bowl:   stir together the bread crumbs, parsley, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic, if using, eggs, milk, feta, salt, and pepper.

Add the turkey and gently stir to combine.  Do not overwork the meat.

Pack the meat mixture into the prepared pan.

Bake 1 hour or until thermometer inserted into center registers 170°.  Let meatloaf stand 5 minutes before serving.

Remove from the oven, wait 5 minutes.  Slice, serve and enjoy!                                 

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com

Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Favorite Finds,How To,advice

 

Good manners aren’t just for formal occassions!

 

Many believe that proper etiquette is mainly reserved for special occasions, often times thinking of these genteel rules of conduct as tedious, even boring.  Volumes have been written on this subject. 

Proper etiquette isn’t just the act of speaking eloquently…but the ability to project graceful actions. Yes, even when we don’t feel it.

The fundamental things in life do apply.  There are and forever will be, proper ways to conduct one be the situation formal or informal. 

It is quite simple to master the use of proper etiquette.  It begins with the golden rule: treat others as politely as you would like a beloved family member to be treated.  Treat others with the same consideration you expect…I dare say, even more. 

Pay it forward.

 

• Never interrupt when someone is speaking.  Be interested (or appear so).  Be certain that the person speaking has finished before adding your own thoughts.

• Turn off your cell phone during meals, and whenever entering a restaurant. Make this a rule and it will become a habit!  

• Never speak with your mouth full of food.  Never.

•  Always RSVP to an invitation in a timely fashion.   Waiting until the last minute makes the host feel like you’re waiting for a better offer. 

• Always wait your turn in line and be mindful of others space.   You probably don’t like for anyone to be looking over your shoulder or crowding your space, therefore be aware of those around you.  Impatience is quite impolite.

Business Etiquette,Etiquette,How To,Love,Relationships,advice

 

Informal Table Setting Ideas

 Table Setting Etiquette:

 

For many sitting in front of endless cutlery and glassware at a dinner table, (especially at formal functions) is intimidating!  Which pieces belong to whom?  Which fork do I pick up first?  Is this glass mine or the person next to me?  

 

Don’t fret!  Just familiarize yourself with the basics and the rest will fall into place.

 

Here are a few simple tips will help you with formal or informal table setting etiquette.

 

 

Cutlery:  GOLDEN RULE: ALWAYS work from the “outside, in”    

Informal Entertaining

Dinner plate:   This is the first thing to be set on the table, and may serve as your guide to placement.. 

 Napkin:  The napkin may be folded or  put in a napkin ring and placed either to the left of the forks or on the center of the dinner plate.  You may instead choose to place a folded napkin under the forks, if that is your preference..

1-2 Knives:   Always to the right, and forks are always to the left.

2 Forks:  Place the forks to the left of the plate..   The larger of the two forks, the “dinner fork”   is used for the main course;  the smaller fork is used for the  salad or appetizer.     The forks are arranged according to when you will need to use them.   Therefore, if the  small fork is needed for an appetizer or a salad served before the main course, then it is placed on the left (outside) of the dinner fork.  Or, if the salad is served after the main course, then the small fork is placed to the right (inside) of the dinner fork, and next to the plate.

1 Dinner knife:  The dinner knife is set immediately to the right of the plate.  Make sure the “cutting” edge faces inward, toward the plate.   If the main course is meat, a steak knife can take the place of the dinner knife.  At an informal meal, the dinner knife may be used for all courses.  Only clean silverware should be placed on the table.  No exceptions!

• The soup spoon, if needed, will always be on the extreme right if being served as a first course, or second in from the right if being served as a second course.

• Dessert cutlery will always be at the top of the place setting with the fork facing right and the spoon positioned above this with the bowl facing left.

2 Spoons:    Spoons go to the right of the knife.  If the  soup is being served first,  the soupspoon should be set to the far (outside) right of the dinner knife. 

The teaspoon or dessert spoon, which will be used last, goes to the left (inside) of the soupspoon, next to the dinner knife.

 2 Glasses:   Drinking glasses of any kind – water, wine (juice or tea) – are placed at the top right of the dinner plate, above the knives and spoons.

Depending on how many different wines are being served, they will normally be positioned above the knives. They should be placed with the water glass to the extreme left, and then followed in the order for which they will be used, working from left to right. For example:

Water – Champagne – White Wine- Red Wine – Dessert Wine

Optional Dishes and Utensils:   Depending on what is being served, other dishes and utensils are optional.  The following may or may not be included:

Salad plate:    Should be placed to the left of the forks..

Bread plate with butter knife:   If used, the bread plate goes above the forks, with the butter knife placed diagonally across the edge of plate.  The handle should be on the right side with the blade facing down.

Dessert spoon and fork:   May be  placed either  beside the plate or horizontally above the dinner plate (the spoon on top with its handle facing to the right; the fork below with its handle facing left).  If placed beside the plate, the fork goes on the left side, closest to the plate (because it will be the last fork used) and the spoon goes on the right side of the plate, to the right of the dinner knife and to the left of the soupspoon.

Coffee cup and saucer:   The coffee cup and saucer are may be placed  above and to the right of the knife and spoons.  At home, it is common to serve coffee after the meal.  Cups and saucers are brought to the table and placed above and to the right of the knife and spoons.

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International  Business Etiquette Tips: 

 

United States

• Formal or casual business attire, neat in appearance, is acceptable.   Men may generally wear jeans or khaki pants w Business suit and tie is recommended for men and appropriate business suit or dress is recommended for women.  More informal wardrobe is acceptable in warm or hot rural areas.
• Casual jeans should be avoided, and shorts are a no-no in any business setting. 
• Upon greeting and leaving your meeting offers of a firm handshake. If you are meeting several people at once, maintain eye contact with the person you are shaking hands with, until you are moving on the next person.  Eye contact during conversation shows interest, sincerity and good manners.
•  It is acceptable for good friends to embrace..
•  Introductions should include Mr. Mrs. Ms or one’s title if appropriate ( ie:  Dr.)
• Business cards should be exchanged either before (preferably) or at the end of the meeting..
• Business conversation may take place during meals. However, more social conversation will create a stronger foundation.  It is important to be a good “listener”!  
• Business meetings may be arranged during breakfast, lunch or dinner time depending on time schedules. Dinner meetings are times not only to discuss the business at hand but equally as important to build rapport.
• A small host gift favor is appropriate, such as a box of chocolates, wine, or small souveneir.   However, many US companies discourage or limit any gift giving.   A graciously written note is always appreciated.
• Never use a toothpick in public in public.  Always have a piece of floss you can carry with you in a tissue, which you can use privately in the bathroom.
• Do not smoke.

China

• A handshake is appropriate and is usually accompanied with a nod or slight bow of the head.
• The Chinese like to be formally introduced.  If at first they seem unfriendly, it is because they are taught not to show emotion.
• Never refer to someone by their last name.
• Too much praise is considered poor etiquette.  Do not over-do with praise.

Italy

• First impressions are very important to the Italians.  A sense of fashionable (and proper) attire always goes a long way.
• Wait to be invited to address by first name.  Don’t be overly friendly at the onset. Mind your manners…and a sense of boundary.
• Punctuality for meetings is essential.

Japan

• The Japanese do not expect foreigners to know the intricacies of greetings and social bowing.  
• A nod of the head is most acceptable and also expresses a Thank You or an apology.
• Small gifts such are graciously accepted.

Middle East

• Greetings are traditionally formal and may involve pleasantries as well as inquiries about you and your family’s well-being.
• The polite form of address is the title “Sayed” (Mr), “Sayeda” (Mrs) or Dr followed by the first name.
• You may be offered a cup of coffee, which you should gently shake from side to side to show that you have had enough.

Poland

• Businesswomen may be greeted with a kiss on the hand.
• A handshake confirms that a meeting is over.  Don’t mistake the handshake as a sign that a deal has been struck.
• A small gift may be particularly appreciated if you visit someone’s home.

Russia

• In business, suits are mandatory and jackets must remain on.
• Shake hands at the beginning and ending of meetings.  Always maintain eye contact.
• No surprise…a drink of vodka – inevitably follows the clinching of a deal.  It is acceptable to toast with a non-alcoholic drink.

Spain

• Handshakes are the rule, but don’t be the first to use body contact.
• Personal qualities are valued over professional ability so be prepared to spend time getting to know your host.
• Do not be offended if your host is late.  Spaniards are not known for the punctuality.

Sweden

• When doing business, expect to be addressed by your first name.
• Don’t wear anything too showy.   Appropriate business attire is recommended.
• Keep the conversation away from family life and never, ever use profanity or language that may be considered inappropriate by any stretch.

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Accepting (or Declining) Social Invitations:

• Be timely when responding to an invitation.  A good rule is to respond within 4-5 days.
• Dress according to the dress suggestions on the invitation.  If you’re not certain, don’t be shy to ask.
• Be punctual. Any more than 15 minutes is considered rude.   Don’t show up before the requested time of arrival.
• If the invitation does not specify that you may bring a guest, always check with you’re your host first. 
• It is most gracious to take along a hostess gift.  Chocolates, Wine or Champagne is most appropriate and appreciated.  For extra special occasions a personalized gift is a sure hit and will always be remembered.  See Mrs. Figgins list of favorite finds! 

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