Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Keeping The Peace

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am very angry with my neighbor.   I thought we are “friendly” but boy not anymore.  It’s war.

My kids have friends over on most weekends.   They play their music like all kids do.  OK, it’s not my kind of music but I figure it’s best to have them at home than out somewhere.

Last Friday night the police showed up and asked the kids to turn off the music or go inside the house to listen to it.  This is our house.  It’s Friday night for goodness sake.  What’s wrong with people now days?

Why didn’t they talk to us first?

What should I say to him?

Terry,

 

Dear Terry:

My advice is that your “kids” say “I’m sorry we disturbed you and your family last Friday.  Please let us know next time so we can correct the problem before the police is called”. 

It’s obvious your neighbors don’t want a confrontation.   And yes, everyone would have been better served had the neighbors knocked on your door and asked for the music to be turned down.    Fortunately, the police coming to your house on a noise complaint won’t damage anyone’s record.  I don’t know the history with your neighbor.  Do you know if your neighbor has sleeping issues, or health problems?  Isn’t their time as important as your kid’s time?

More important, this is a “teachable moment” Terry.  It is a great opportunity for your kids to learn responsibility, and that life has “boundaries”.  Their good time should not be at other’s expense.  “War” is not the answer. 

It sounds like a good lesson for everyone.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

How To, Relationships, advice

Etiquette is back.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My boyfriend and I live in the United States but we’re thinking about getting married in Europe where most of our family is.  While not strict orthodox, our families still prefer that honor our religious heritage.

Are there any trends coming about there?  Are birdcage veils still popular?   Will you please review some points we should consider?   We’re worried about the expense, too.

Thank You for your input.

Madeline & Robert, Nova Scotia

 

 

Dear Madeline & Robert:

Indeed many couples want their wedding to reflect traditional values and are incorporating their religious, cultural and ethnic heritage.

Many couples are also opting to see each other before the ceremony.  However, I personally like the more traditional way and believe it holds the “romance”.

With the global economy being so uncertain, families are also watching their finances more than ever.  Many couples are participating in the cost of their own wedding and therefore controlling  most of the decision-making.   Advice: Spend more on the lasting memories than the frill.

A return to old-fashioned “proper” etiquette is  now becoming much more important.  Make certain that your thank you cards are promptly delivered – no later than 4 weeks of the wedding.

Personalized appreciation is back.  Favours are an expense and easy to consider eliminating, However, most couples are especially grateful to guests who have incurred considerable expense to be a part of the celebration and a personalized favour shows the thought behind the gift. A small chocolate gift box or small champagne favor adds a marvelous touch of elegance.  

I happened to attend a wedding recently and the bride wore a stunning birdcage veil. They are popular and allow dramatic vintage glamour. 

Many Congratulations!

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Coming Out

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

I am a 33 year old man and a medical doctor.  I have fought being gay for a very long time, and no loinger want to deny who I am. 

 I am from a very close family, and I have wonderful loving parents, and they have no idea that I am gay. 

I have fallen in love with Paul.  I’ve known him since grade school. 

My parents know his family and they love Paul as another son.  They also know that he’s gay because a few years ago Paul came out to his family and friends.  

On one hand, I’m afraid to come out to my parents for fear that they will blame Paul thinking that he talked me into this.  But nothing could be further from the truth.   I cannot change who I am.

I am so happy I want to shout it out from the rooftop!  Yet, I’m really feeling lost as to what to do?

William, SC

 

Dear William:

Your apprehension is understandable.  Unfortunately it is still uncomfortable for most gay people to take the step out of the closet, especially to their parents, family and friends.

Sexuality is an important part of who we are as humans.  Sexual orientation is not a personal choice.   It is a matter of genetics. 

You need to believe that your family and friends truly care about you and want your happiness.  Being honest with yourself and your parents is the most important first step.   

By your own words, you have wonderful parents.  This may or may not be difficult for them to accept immediately.  As excited and happy as you are to share your feelings and love, remember your parents are hearing this for the first time.  Show respect, kindness and patience.   This too shall pass, because they love you. 

Who we are as human beings is what are ultimately judged on.     

Trust that if we face life with integrity, it will be a wonderful ride full of priceless memories.  

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Knowing when to just say “NO”

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

We’re worried about our son.  He’s dropped out of high school, she doesn’t want to work.  He goes out with friends and  home is just a place for to sometimes sleep and get a change of clothes.

He only likes designer tenny shoes, designer shirts, designer things.  He thinks we are the bank of Mom and Dad.  Except this Mom and Dad struggle to make the rent and by the food.

We have been able to get him jobs, but no more.  He’s burned those bridges to.

Nothing we can do helps him.  Can you think of something we can do to make a difference?

Paula and Marvin

 

Dear Paula and Marvin.

Kids today seem to know everything “designer”.  Unfortunately, they know the value of very few things.  The generation today, has had much handed to them, and  yet worked for very little.  

 Our job as parents is to love our children, and prepare them for life.   Enabling them sets them up for a mighty fall.   

May advise:   Just say “NO”.   Lay down a set of rules - and requirements.  Stick with your program.   It may be your road-map to “hope”.    That’s the help your son needs.

Not the least, you and your husband deserve better.  Remember, you’re important, too.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Children Issues, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

It’s Mom’s Turn!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a black woman.  A single Mother of 4.   I’ve been a waitress all my life.  My last baby is finishing college (THANK YOU GOD!)  That will make all 4 of them.  I love them more that my first and last breath.

I made lots of mistakes.  I wish I could have been more.  I wish I could have studied to be a nurse.  But I was too busy trying to put food to the table and keeping them right with GOD.

I have a few good years left, and I’m thinking of going back to school.  I’m not sure what I want to study now, but I want to do it.

Am I too old?

Lillian in Jackson

 

Dear Lillian:

You are a waitress, a single mother of four and you’ve sent four kids to college?   How very proud you must be! CONGRATULATIONS! 

Unfortunately, we don’t get to live life in reverse, Lillian.  I know.  I’ve made so many mistakes myself.  But you have succeeded in doing what most parents only dream of.   

I bow to you as I pen this letter and proudly nominate you for the Grand Prix Award Of Life. 

YES- YES – YES – go to school!  Whatever it is, do something just for you.  

It’s your turn, Lillian. 

Please – keep in touch!

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

How To, Love, Relationships, advice

How many invitations?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My Fiance and I mailed out our wedding invitations about a month ago. 

My future Mother in Law received hers and attempted to commit suicide because we didn’t put her name on the invitation intself, only the envelope which said Ms. (first and last name), no and guest.

She was committed to a mental hospital and released about a week later.  She will not speak to me and says her trying to kill herself was my fault because I intentionally disrespected her.  Three weeks later she is still not talking to me.  We received her RSVP yesterday and she has invited other people as her guests.  I don’t know what to do. 

Do I allow her to intive more people in fear that she will try something again and blame me, or do I put a stop to her uninvited guest scheme and tell her that they can not come?

Nicole

 

Dear Nicole:

There are two of you getting married.  Step back and let your fiancé deal with his mother.  “He” needs to get control of this situation. 

Do not make this your argument and your problem.

Her threats of suicide are not your fault.  Her problems did not start with you, and they will not end with you. 

The family who pays for the wedding (or lions share) has the expectation and the right to invite more guests.

However, if both families are contributing equally to the cost, then each family should have a set number of guests they may invite.

If either family wants to invite more than the set amount of guests, they should pick up the additional expense for those guests  (providing, of course,  your reception venue has the room capacity).

Rule #1:  Don’t get into an argument with your in-laws.  Let it go. 

Focus on your wedding and your memories.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Introductions

 

Aloha Mrs Figgins:

This Friday I am attending a grand opening of a new high tech building with my partner of 11 years.

Because I designed the software which runs the building I will be recognized at the function, and I will certainly be talking with people after the function.

How should I properly introduce my boyfriend? We are both in our 50’s so “boyfriend” seems a bit young (plus we’ve been together 11 years).   ”partner” would be misconstrued as being my business partner.  “lover” is not appropriate in this setting.

I asked him, but he’s as stumped as I am.

What is the proper business etiquette in this situation?

David

 

Dear David:

Many congratulations on your accomplishment.

It is appropriate in a business setting to introduce your lover as your “partner”.    

Subtlety is elegance, David.

Wishing you both a wonderful time today.

Mrs. Figgins 

 

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Stick with the BUDGET!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I wanted to share with soon to be brides the following budget guide.    A friend of mine shared it with me and it really made “the” difference.  Everything worked out awesome!   

 Reception:  (Food, Beverages, Rentals, Location):    40% 

 Flowers:  5% – 10% 

 Photography & Video:  5 % – 10% 

Bride’s Gown & Groom’s Tux:  5% -10%  

Entertainment:  5%  

Coordinating/Consultant:  10 % 

Miscellaneous:  Invitations,  Table Favors:   10% 

Add for the unexpected:   10%

Hoping this helps!

Annie & Steve, Palm Dessert

 

Dear Annie & Steve:

Thank You for sharing your budget guide.  I’m sure the brides to be will find it most valuable.

Allow me to add a few items to your list: 

• Remember the sales tax!

• Stick with the budget!

• HAVE FUN!

Mazel Tov!

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com        

Advice and opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with straightforward common sense and old fashioned values! 

How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Ahhh…the first kiss

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I just read the letter from “Smitten” and I have a similar situation, sort of.

 I’ve been friends with a girl at work for over a year.  We’ve gone out to to dinner, the movies and picnics at the lake.  Our time together has always been great.  I really believe there is something very special between us. 

I’ve wanted to kiss her for so long but I’m afraid to make that more.  I want to be romantic but I’m afraid that I’m not going to pull it off.  I drop off little token gifts at her desk at work to show I care, but I think they might be too funny or “generic”.

How can I go about this in the right way?  I want to be romantic!

It’s Now or Never!

Jeremy,  Saskatchewan

 

Dear Jeremy:

Romance is something that cannot be put in a bottle.  It’s more than any single act. It isn’t something that appears magically with the flick of a candle lighter.  And know this up front, it takes work.  No matter how deeply in love you are, sustaining romance takes work.

Showing you care is essential for love to succeed, but caring alone does not romance make.   “Things” are nice, and women are fond of “nice things”, but the manner in which you gift the gift, can be as important, or even more so, than the gift itself.

Romance is the act of making something ordinary very special.  Romance, I dare say is an essential part of life.

A look, a touch, a scent, background music, how, sharing a sandwich at the lake.  Each one of these things can make romance.

And ahhh yes,  your first “kiss”.

 “The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”     Emil Ludwig quotes (German Biographer and Writer, 1881-1948)

Make it special.

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com        

Advice and opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with straightforward common sense and old fashioned values!

How To, Love, Relationships, advice

 

Keeping it sweet

 

Dear Mrs Figgins:

I’m 27 years old and I have a date with a girl who has stolen my heart. 

 Our parents have been best friends for years.  To be honest, I thought of her as a little sister, never giving it anything else a second thought. 

But something special happened.   We were at a family barbeque and a group of us were playing  softball.  She was so much fun!  At the end of the ballgame she was head to toe full of dirt and my heart was full of her.

I asked her out to dinner next weekend.  I don’t want to get too mushy but I want to at least add a romantic touch.

What do you think I should do?

Smitten

 

Dear Smitten:

She sounds like a catch!

Dinner at a nice, fun place (nothing stuffy) is a great idea.

For a sweet and memorable touch, I suggest a delicious box of chocolates “personalized” with a special message on the ribbon.  Surprise her – with the gift waiting at the table. 

Ribbon message:  “To a great teammate!”  or “To my favorite teammate!”    Add the date to the message (something tells me you might want it as a keepsake).    

Have fun!

Mrs. Figgins

 

www.askmrsfiggins.com        

Advice and opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with straightforward common sense and old fashioned values!

How To, Love, Relationships, advice