Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette is back.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My boyfriend and I live in the United States but we’re thinking about getting married in Europe where most of our family is.  While not strict orthodox, our families still prefer that honor our religious heritage.

Are there any trends coming about there?  Are birdcage veils still popular?   Will you please review some points we should consider?   We’re worried about the expense, too.

Thank You for your input.

Madeline & Robert, Nova Scotia

 

 

Dear Madeline & Robert:

Indeed many couples want their wedding to reflect traditional values and are incorporating their religious, cultural and ethnic heritage.

Many couples are also opting to see each other before the ceremony.  However, I personally like the more traditional way and believe it holds the “romance”.

With the global economy being so uncertain, families are also watching their finances more than ever.  Many couples are participating in the cost of their own wedding and therefore controlling  most of the decision-making.   Advice: Spend more on the lasting memories than the frill.

A return to old-fashioned “proper” etiquette is  now becoming much more important.  Make certain that your thank you cards are promptly delivered – no later than 4 weeks of the wedding.

Personalized appreciation is back.  Favours are an expense and easy to consider eliminating, However, most couples are especially grateful to guests who have incurred considerable expense to be a part of the celebration and a personalized favour shows the thought behind the gift. A small chocolate gift box or small champagne favor adds a marvelous touch of elegance.  

I happened to attend a wedding recently and the bride wore a stunning birdcage veil. They are popular and allow dramatic vintage glamour. 

Many Congratulations!

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Introductions

 

Aloha Mrs Figgins:

This Friday I am attending a grand opening of a new high tech building with my partner of 11 years.

Because I designed the software which runs the building I will be recognized at the function, and I will certainly be talking with people after the function.

How should I properly introduce my boyfriend? We are both in our 50’s so “boyfriend” seems a bit young (plus we’ve been together 11 years).   ”partner” would be misconstrued as being my business partner.  “lover” is not appropriate in this setting.

I asked him, but he’s as stumped as I am.

What is the proper business etiquette in this situation?

David

 

Dear David:

Many congratulations on your accomplishment.

It is appropriate in a business setting to introduce your lover as your “partner”.    

Subtlety is elegance, David.

Wishing you both a wonderful time today.

Mrs. Figgins 

 

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday issues by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Etiquette, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Invitations?

 

Dear Mrs Figgins:

What’s wrong with this picture?  My husbands co-worker, whom he also plays basketball with on Thursday nights, invited “him” to his wedding in Canada.  We live in Montana for crying out loud! 

 My husband says he doesn’t want to go.  Yet I’m thinking if this is about a gift or something else?

I think it at the least it’s darn rude! 

Not Sure in Billings

 

Dear Not Sure:

One thing is certain, proper etiquette was not observed.

Your husband told you about the invitation, and he also said he doesn’t want to go.  Absent any reason to think otherwise, you need to accept what he says as truth. 

Send a gracious note with regrets from “ Mr. & Mrs ____”. 

Because they work together – and if it makes you and your husband feel better – upon the bride and groom’s return, give them a little gift.  The enclosure card should be signed “Mr. & Mrs ____”.   That said, a gift is not necessary.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values by Mrs. Figgins

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29 March Sundown

 

Dear Mrs Figgins:

I’m new in town and have made a good friend at work.

She’s invited me to her home for Passover. 

I’m Christian so I know what Passover is, but don’t know “sadar”.  Is there an appropriate gift I can bring to their home?

Sandi, NY

 

Dear Sandi:

Passover or “Pesach” commemorates the deliverance of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.

It is celebrated for eight days with special prayers and symbolic foods at home, starting with the “Seder,” a ritual meal that re-enacts that ancient deliverance and emphasizes the freedom of the Jews under the guidance of God.

Seder is the most important event in the Passover celebration. Usually gathering the whole family and friends together, the Seder is steeped in long held traditions and customs.

Dietary restrictions during the holidays are adhered to during the holidays.   A bottle of kosher wine or flowers are always lovely.

I know you will have a very special and memorable.

Chag Same’ach!

Mrs Figgins

 

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Advice & opinion on everyday topics with common sense and old fashioned values by Mrs. Figgins

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Keeping it safe.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:
 
We’re concerned grandparents.  Our two grandkids are now playing hockey.   These kids can really get hurt.
 
How do we handle this without overstepping boundaries with our son and his wife daughter in law?
 
Nan and I are losing sleep over this.
 
Doug and Nan, Ontario

 

Dear Doug and Nan: 

Ice hockey is an exciting action packed sport.  And unfortunately it can also be dangerous. 

There is certainly nothing wrong with talking about your concerns with your son and daughter-in-law.  After all you have built in grandparent privileges!

If the parents have given their permission for the kids to play hockey then you’ll have to accept that decision.  

However there are smart constructive check list items which you can discuss with everyone to ensure that the game is safer and more fun for the kids as well as the entire family. 

• First and foremost:  USE SAFETY SENSE 

• The kids should be encouraged and required to play safe by setting a good example on and off the ice.

• Use full face shield & protective gear.

• Coaches & officials should be certified.

• Make sure the hockey program is well rounded and includes strength, flexibility and endurance training, to help the body in the preparation for the increased physical demands 

• Since you are in Canada a good resource for you to check out is:  Hockey Canada Kids  http://www.hockeycanada.ca/multimedia/kids/

Congratulations on a terrific job on the Olympics.  Well done indeed!

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Children Issues, Etiquette

Ahhhhh…LOVE!

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

He is 52 and I am 49 and both feel this “boyfriend” “Girlfiend” thing is a bit too high school & young for us when

introducing each other to friends/family.

“Lover” gives too much information, and “partner” sounds like we are in a business relationship!

What would be the correct termininoloy to use that tells everyone I am his he is mine and that we are madly in love and

“together” in every sense of the word?

Michele

 

Dear Michele:

These are my personal favorites which are completely appropriate and will get the message across with charm.

•  “My Beau”;   “My Lady”

•  and  since you’re madly in love, why not:    “My Love”

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Meeting the parents!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am 27, gay and recently came out to my family. 

I’ve never introduced anyone I have dated to my parents.  However, I am now in a committed relationship with Ted and ready to take the plunge.

My parents have been very supportive since I broke the news.  And it’s important to me that I make this as comfortable as possible for everyone.

Do you have any suggestions or advice on how to best approach this introduction?

William, Denver

 

 Dear William:

You have lovely parents and the fact that you want to be sensitive to them says much about you. 

It’s important that the people whom you love get to know each other.

Take the time to share family stories and fond memories with Ted.  Tell him about your parent’s background, individual interests as well as particular dislikes.  Bring out the family album! 

Suggest that Ted bring Mom & Dad a nice hostess gift (it’s  a nice touch).  

In turn, tell your Mom and Dad about Ted.

Timing is important.  Your mother can help you with some optional times for your first get together.

By the sounds of it, I am certain this meeting will turn out just fine, William.

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Etiquette, How To, Love, advice

Cash Gifts

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My fiancé and I are getting married.  Money is pretty tight.

Do you think it’s proper for us to ask for money in lieu of gifts?

Diane & Richard, UK

 

Dear Diane & Richard:

It is becoming acceptable for couples to ask for money as a wedding gift. 

This said, my advice is that you be quite clear in stating what the money will be spent on, so that those who do contribute cash in lieu of more traditional gifts feel that they’re helping towards something specific and worthwhile.

“Nearly Married” is an online gift service in the UK which gives you the opportunity to customize gifts of money with your own gift name, description, price and picture.

Many Congratulations!

Mrs. Figgins

 

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Etiquette, How To, Love, Relationships, advice

Basics.  IMPORTANT.

  

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My twin sister and I are 15 years old. 

Will you please tell us what the proper way is way to introduce people?

Jenny and Emma

 

Dear Jenny and Emma:

Your question is a great one.

Traditionally, in both formal and informal social settings the person who is named first is being shown a degree of respect or deference based on seniority or prominence.  The introduction is made to them.

• Women have precedence over men

• Older have precedence over younger.   Therefore, a younger person is “introduced to” an older person. 

• In business, clients and customers have precedence over associates.  This is true regardless of rank.  Therefore, a person of high rank or special prominence is named first and receives the introduction. The lesser rank is introduced to them.

Mrs. Figgins

Etiquette, How To, Love, advice

Post wedding reception

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband and I were married a few months ago when while he was stationed overseas.  

I come from a large Italian family.  My parents would really like to host a wedding reception for us now that we’re back home.   

Should we send out invitations after the fact?  If so, what is the correct way to word the invitations? 

My parent’s names are Maria Isabel and Antony Giordano.

Tere & Giuseppe Morelli  

 

Dear Terry & Giuseppe:

Even though you were married out of the country, and your parents are hosting a belated wedding reception, is still appropriate to send out invitations.

Below are two examples of how the invitations may be worded.

Example #1)

Mr. and Mrs. Antony Giordano

request the pleasure of your company

at a reception

in honor of

Mr. and Mrs. Giusepppe Morelli

The reception will be held at:  
Address
Date
Time

Example #2) 

Mr. and Mrs. Antony Giordano

request the pleasure of your company

at a reception following

the recent marriage of their daughter

Tere Giordano with Giuseppe Morelli

The reception will be held at:  
Address
Date
Time
Time

Much happiness!

Mrs. Figgins

Etiquette, How To, advice