January 18, 2010
- A New Beginning
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
My boyfriend and I ended our three year relationship and engagement eight months ago. He met someone at work and began seeing her. It blindsided and devastated me.
Last month thru friends I met Dan. My friends think the world of him. He’s handsome, successful and a gentleman.
Dan has asked me out several times, but I’ve been hesitant to dip my toe into anything that could look or sound like relationship material. I’m afraid that I’m damaged goods and I don’t want to saddle a nice guy with my baggage.
When will I know that I’m ready to begin my life again?
Maggie, Toronto
Dear Maggie:
Going on a date, and maybe having some fun doesn’t mean getting married. It means “going on a date and maybe having some fun”. If the first date is fun, then you go can decide if you want to go on date #2 and so on. While you’re getting to know each other you can decide if Dan is someone whom you would like to develop a serious relationship with.
When any relationship ends, a sequence of emotions happen: anger, denial, blame, romanticizing what we selectively remember, and even wanting to return what we intuitively know was not ultimately good for us. Finally (hopefully), we reach acceptance.
It is crucial that you become aware of where you are with your own feelings. This doesn’t mean that you deny fond memories and even the fact that you have loved. It means that even if you didn’t have someone in the wings, you recognize “going back” is not the right thing for you. And given the chance – you wouldn’t.
If you can get to this point, then believe, the rest will fall into place.
Mrs. Figgins
How To,Love,Relationships,advice
