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Can it be fixed?

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am a 23 year old male.  I think my girlfriend is losing interest in our relationship. 

In the last few weeks, she’s stopped using the “we or us” in conversation. 

She’s been hanging with a couple of new friends, and gets pretty testy if I ask her the simplest questions.  Everything seems so secretive, and I feel like the outsider.

I admit that I’ve been an unreasonable idiot at times and a bit of a butthole once in a while.  But I do love her. 

Does it sound like I’m overreacting on this? 

Mikhail

 

Dear Mikhail:

It sounds like you may have given her good reason.

Jealousy clouds logic.  It can turn nice guys into idiots, and has ruined the best of relationships.   You already know this is a pattern.  Therefore, you must be extra sensitive to this fact.

This said, there are certain red flags that raise concern:  

• Being secretive or refusing to answer the simplest questions

• New or new “old” friends that she may not want to introduce you to

• Moving away from the “we or us” in her conversations and actions.

Sit down with your girlfriend when you are calm.   Encourage her to talk freely and honestly about her feelings regarding the two of you.  It’s very important that she feel safe.

If she is ready to move on, there may be nothing you can do about it.  But what you can do, is handle yourself in a steady and reasonable manner.  This doesn’t mean the outcome will hurt any less, if she has left emotionally.  But you’ll be amazed at the good that will later come when things are handled with love.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,advice