Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Protecting & Defending Each Of Us.

 

On this day, 11 November we celebrate Veterans Day. 

We salute and honor the brave men and women of The United States Armed Forces, and their dedicated families.

May GOD keep each of you safe, and in HIS loving care.

With tremendous gratitude,

Mrs. Figgins & Family

 

The Sentinels

Guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY

Ceremonies

The Sentinels of the Tomb of the Unknowns

The Tomb of the Unknowns (also known as the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier) is guarded 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and in any weather by Tomb Guard sentinels. Sentinels, all volunteers, are considered to be the best of the elite 3rd U.S. Infantry (The Old Guard), headquartered at Fort Myer, Va.

After members of the 3rd U.S. Infantry become ceremonially qualified, they are eligible to volunteer for duty as sentinels at the Tomb. If accepted, they are assigned to Company E of The Old Guard. Each soldier must be in superb physical condition, possess an unblemished military record and be between 5 feet, 10 inches and 6 feet, 4 inches tall, with a proportionate weight and build. An interview and a two-week trial to determine a volunteer’s capability to train as a tomb guard is required.

During the trial phase, would-be sentinels memorize seven pages of Arlington National Cemetery history. This information must be recited verbatim in order to earn a “walk.” A walk occurs between guard changes. A daytime walk is one-half hour in the summer and one hour in the winter. All night walks are one hour.

If a soldier passes the first training phase, “new-soldier” training begins. New sentinels learn the history of Arlington National Cemetery and the grave locations of nearly 300 veterans. They learn the guard-change ceremony and the manual of arms that takes place during the inspection portion of the Changing of the Guard. Sentinels learn to keep their uniforms and weapons in immaculate condition.

The sentinels will be tested to earn the privilege of wearing the silver Tomb Guard Identification Badge after several months of serving. First, they are tested on their manual of arms, uniform preparation and their walks. Then, the Badge Test is given. The test is 100 randomly selected questions of the 300 items memorized during training on the history of Arlington National Cemetery and the Tomb of the Unknowns. The would-be badge holder must get more than 95 percent correct to succeed. Only 400 Tomb Guard Badges have been awarded since it was created in February 1958.

The Tomb Guard Identification Badge is a temporary award until the badge-holding sentinel has honorably served at the Tomb of the Unknowns for nine months. At that time, the award can be made a permanent badge, which may then be worn for the rest of a military career. The silver badge is an upside-down, laurel-leaf wreath surrounding a depiction of the front face of the Tomb. Peace, Victory and Valor are portrayed as Greek figures. The words “Honor Guard” are shown below the Tomb on the badge.

There are three reliefs, each having one relief commander and about six sentinels. The three reliefs are divided by height so that those in each guard change ceremony look similar. The sentinels rotate walks every hour in the winter and at night, and every half-hour in the day during the summer.

The Tomb Guard Quarters is staffed using a rotating Kelly system. Each relief has the following schedule: first day on, one day off, second day on, one day off, third day on, four days off.

Then, their schedule repeats.

 

The Changing of the Guard

The guard is changed every hour on the hour Oct. 1 to March 31 in an elaborate ritual. From April 1 through September 30, there are more than double the opportunities to view the change because another change is added on the half hour and the cemetery closing time moves from 5 to 7 p.m.

An impeccably uniformed relief commander appears on the plaza to announce the Changing of the Guard. Soon the new sentinel leaves the Quarters and unlocks the bolt of his or her M-14 rifle to signal to the relief commander to start the ceremony. The relief commander walks out to the Tomb and salutes, then faces the spectators and asks them to stand and stay silent during the ceremony.

The relief commander conducts a detailed white-glove inspection of the weapon, checking each part of the rifle once. Then, the relief commander and the relieving sentinel meet the retiring sentinel at the center of the matted path in front of the Tomb. All three salute the Unknowns who have been symbolically given the Medal of Honor. Then the relief commander orders the relieved sentinel, “Pass on your orders.” The current sentinel commands, “Post and orders, remain as directed.” The newly posted sentinel replies, “Orders acknowledged,” and steps into position on the black mat. When the relief commander passes by, the new sentinel begins walking at a cadence of 90 steps per minute.

The Tomb Guard marches 21 steps down the black mat behind the Tomb, turns, faces east for 21 seconds, turns and faces north for 21 seconds, then takes 21 steps down the mat and repeats the process. After the turn, the sentinel executes a sharp “shoulder-arms” movement to place the weapon on the shoulder closest to the visitors to signify that the sentinel stands between the Tomb and any possible threat. Twenty-one was chosen because it symbolizes the highest military honor that can be bestowed — the 21-gun salute.

Duty time when not “walking” is spent in the Tomb Guard Quarters below the Memorial Display Room of the Memorial Amphitheater where they study Cemetery “knowledge,” clean their weapons and help the rest of their relief prepare for the Changing of the Guard. The guards also train on their days off.

The Guards of Honor at the Tomb of the Unknowns are highly motivated and are proud to honor all American service members who are “Known But to God.”

 

Our sincere appreciation to Arlington National Cemetery for the above.

Love,One Village,Opinion & Politics,Topics,advice

BOUNDARIES:   DO NOT CROSS.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

My husband and I just got back from visiting my sister and her family on vacation, and we are in shock. 

My sister and her husband don’t seem to know boundaries with their three kids.  They have 1 boy (age 10), and two girls ages (ages 11 & 12). 

My brother in law takes a shower in front of all the kids and walks around naked.  He goes in the bathroom when the girls are getting taking their baths, saying he’s “helping them” getting ready for school. 

The boy is still little enough, but he’ll soon be thinking that this is all OK, too.  

I don’t want to start a family feud but this doesn’t settle right with me. 

My husband and I believe that the girls should not be seeing their father naked, and he certainly should not be seeing them naked, at this age – or helping them take their bath.

Don’t you think the kids are much to old for this?   

Should we say something, mind our own business?

Concerned Aunt and Uncle, GA

 

Dear Concerned Aunt and Uncle:

You are absolutely correct.   The kids well being is of concern.    

At this age, the girls are going thru puberty, which is a time in life when a young person starts to sexually mature.     

 In girls, puberty can begin at 11 years of age, and may start sooner.  Most girls are physically mature by about 14 years of age.  

In boys, puberty begins around age 12.  Boys mature at about 15 or 16.

This is a process that goes on for several years.

Your brother-in-laws actions are inappropriate, which need to abruptly stop.  

Your sister needs to wake up and stand up.  Boundaries are urgently needed. 

Have a serious conversation with your sister.

Mrs. Figgins

Children Issues,How To,Love,Topics,advice

Ronald Reagan, 12 June 1987

 

“Open this gate.  Tear down this wall.”  

The Berlin Wall 

  The total length of the Berlin Wall was 96 miles.

  Twenty-seven miles went through the center of the city.

  Twenty-three miles went through residential areas.

  Sixty-six miles comprised a concrete barrier 13 feet high.

  It also consisted of 302 watch towers and 20 bunkers.

  More than 5,000 people successfully crossed the Berlin Wall to freedom.

  About 3,200 people were arrested in the border area. 

  More than 160 people were killed in the death area, and another 120 people were injured.

 

The day the Berlin Wall came down, may not be remembered by most Americans.

Today marks the anniversary of the unraveling of communism, and the sign that democracy had won the Cold War – a struggle which spanned two generations after World War II.

To mark this momentous time in our history,  we share with you one of the greatest speeches of the 20th century.  Ronald Reagan delivered this speech on 12 June 1987.

Standing at the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin, President Reagan delivered this speech to the people of West Berlin.  Audible on the East side of the Berlin Wall was none other than Mikhail Gorbachev.

President Ronald Reagan delivered a speech at the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin on June 12, 1987. His comments were to the people of West Berlin, but audible on the East side of the Berlin Wall. Part of Reagan’s intended audience was none other than Mikhail Gorbachev.

Two years later, in November 1989, a decree was issued by East Germans, for the wall to be opened, and therefore, allowing people to travel freely into West Berlin. Families that had been separated for decades were finally reunited.  

Upon the wall was torn down altogether by the end of 1990, along with the collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union 

The Cold War, had come to an end.

 

Below is the text of the speech by President Ronald Reagan, delivered 12 June 1987,

Brandenburg Gate, West Berlin

“Chancellor Kohl, Governing Mayor Diepgen, ladies and gentlemen: Twenty-four years ago, President John F. Kennedy visited Berlin, speaking to the people of this city and the world at the City Hall. Well, since then two other presidents have come, each in his turn, to Berlin. And today I, myself, make my second visit to your city.

We come to Berlin, we American presidents, because it’s our duty to speak, in this place, of freedom. But I must confess, we’re drawn here by other things as well: by the feeling of history in this city, more than 500 years older than our own nation; by the beauty of the Grunewald and the Tiergarten; most of all, by your courage and determination. Perhaps the composer Paul Lincke understood something about American presidents. You see, like so many presidents before me, I come here today because wherever I go, whatever I do: Ich hab noch einen Koffer in Berlin. [I still have a suitcase in Berlin.]

Our gathering today is being broadcast throughout Western Europe and North America. I understand that it is being seen and heard as well in the East. To those listening throughout Eastern Europe, a special word: Although I cannot be with you, I address my remarks to you just as surely as to those standing here before me. For I join you, as I join your fellow countrymen in the West, in this firm, this unalterable belief: Es gibt nur ein Berlin. [There is only one Berlin.]

Behind me stands a wall that encircles the free sectors of this city, part of a vast system of barriers that divides the entire continent of Europe. From the Baltic, south, those barriers cut across Germany in a gash of barbed wire, concrete, dog runs, and guard towers. Farther south, there may be no visible, no obvious wall. But there remain armed guards and checkpoints all the same–still a restriction on the right to travel, still an instrument to impose upon ordinary men and women the will of a totalitarian state. Yet it is here in Berlin where the wall emerges most clearly; here, cutting across your city, where the news photo and the television screen have imprinted this brutal division of a continent upon the mind of the world. Standing before the Brandenburg Gate, every man is a German, separated from his fellow men. Every man is a Berliner, forced to look upon a scar.

President von Weizsacker has said, “The German question is open as long as the Brandenburg Gate is closed.” Today I say: As long as the gate is closed, as long as this scar of a wall is permitted to stand, it is not the German question alone that remains open, but the question of freedom for all mankind. Yet I do not come here to lament. For I find in Berlin a message of hope, even in the shadow of this wall, a message of triumph.

In this season of spring in 1945, the people of Berlin emerged from their air-raid shelters to find devastation. Thousands of miles away, the people of the United States reached out to help. And in 1947 Secretary of State–as you’ve been told–George Marshall announced the creation of what would become known as the Marshall Plan. Speaking precisely 40 years ago this month, he said: “Our policy is directed not against any country or doctrine, but against hunger, poverty, desperation, and chaos.”

In the Reichstag a few moments ago, I saw a display commemorating this 40th anniversary of the Marshall Plan. I was struck by the sign on a burnt-out, gutted structure that was being rebuilt. I understand that Berliners of my own generation can remember seeing signs like it dotted throughout the western sectors of the city. The sign read simply: “The Marshall Plan is helping here to strengthen the free world.” A strong, free world in the West, that dream became real. Japan rose from ruin to become an economic giant. Italy, France, Belgium–virtually every nation in Western Europe saw political and economic rebirth; the European Community was founded.

In West Germany and here in Berlin, there took place an economic miracle, the Wirtschaftswunder. Adenauer, Erhard, Reuter, and other leaders understood the practical importance of liberty–that just as truth can flourish only when the journalist is given freedom of speech, so prosperity can come about only when the farmer and businessman enjoy economic freedom. The German leaders reduced tariffs, expanded free trade, lowered taxes. From 1950 to 1960 alone, the standard of living in West Germany and Berlin doubled.

Where four decades ago there was rubble, today in West Berlin there is the greatest industrial output of any city in Germany–busy office blocks, fine homes and apartments, proud avenues, and the spreading lawns of parkland. Where a city’s culture seemed to have been destroyed, today there are two great universities, orchestras and an opera, countless theaters, and museums. Where there was want, today there’s abundance–food, clothing, automobiles–the wonderful goods of the Ku’damm. From devastation, from utter ruin, you Berliners have, in freedom, rebuilt a city that once again ranks as one of the greatest on earth. The Soviets may have had other plans. But my friends, there were a few things the Soviets didn’t count on–Berliner Herz, Berliner Humor, ja, und Berliner Schnauze. [Berliner heart, Berliner humor, yes, and a Berliner Schnauze.]

In the 1950s, Khrushchev predicted: “We will bury you.” But in the West today, we see a free world that has achieved a level of prosperity and well-being unprecedented in all human history. In the Communist world, we see failure, technological backwardness, declining standards of health, even want of the most basic kind–too little food. Even today, the Soviet Union still cannot feed itself. After these four decades, then, there stands before the entire world one great and inescapable conclusion: Freedom leads to prosperity. Freedom replaces the ancient hatreds among the nations with comity and peace. Freedom is the victor.

And now the Soviets themselves may, in a limited way, be coming to understand the importance of freedom. We hear much from Moscow about a new policy of reform and openness. Some political prisoners have been released. Certain foreign news broadcasts are no longer being jammed. Some economic enterprises have been permitted to operate with greater freedom from state control.

Are these the beginnings of profound changes in the Soviet state? Or are they token gestures, intended to raise false hopes in the West, or to strengthen the Soviet system without changing it? We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of world peace. There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace.

General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

I understand the fear of war and the pain of division that afflict this continent– and I pledge to you my country’s efforts to help overcome these burdens. To be sure, we in the West must resist Soviet expansion. So we must maintain defenses of unassailable strength. Yet we seek peace; so we must strive to reduce arms on both sides.

Beginning 10 years ago, the Soviets challenged the Western alliance with a grave new threat, hundreds of new and more deadly SS-20 nuclear missiles, capable of striking every capital in Europe. The Western alliance responded by committing itself to a counter-deployment unless the Soviets agreed to negotiate a better solution; namely, the elimination of such weapons on both sides. For many months, the Soviets refused to bargain in earnestness. As the alliance, in turn, prepared to go forward with its counter-deployment, there were difficult days–days of protests like those during my 1982 visit to this city–and the Soviets later walked away from the table.

But through it all, the alliance held firm. And I invite those who protested then– I invite those who protest today–to mark this fact: Because we remained strong, the Soviets came back to the table. And because we remained strong, today we have within reach the possibility, not merely of limiting the growth of arms, but of eliminating, for the first time, an entire class of nuclear weapons from the face of the earth.

As I speak, NATO ministers are meeting in Iceland to review the progress of our proposals for eliminating these weapons. At the talks in Geneva, we have also proposed deep cuts in strategic offensive weapons. And the Western allies have likewise made far-reaching proposals to reduce the danger of conventional war and to place a total ban on chemical weapons.

While we pursue these arms reductions, I pledge to you that we will maintain the capacity to deter Soviet aggression at any level at which it might occur. And in cooperation with many of our allies, the United States is pursuing the Strategic Defense Initiative–research to base deterrence not on the threat of offensive retaliation, but on defenses that truly defend; on systems, in short, that will not target populations, but shield them. By these means we seek to increase the safety of Europe and all the world. But we must remember a crucial fact: East and West do not mistrust each other because we are armed; we are armed because we mistrust each other. And our differences are not about weapons but about liberty. When President Kennedy spoke at the City Hall those 24 years ago, freedom was encircled, Berlin was under siege. And today, despite all the pressures upon this city, Berlin stands secure in its liberty. And freedom itself is transforming the globe.

In the Philippines, in South and Central America, democracy has been given a rebirth. Throughout the Pacific, free markets are working miracle after miracle of economic growth. In the industrialized nations, a technological revolution is taking place–a revolution marked by rapid, dramatic advances in computers and telecommunications.

In Europe, only one nation and those it controls refuse to join the community of freedom. Yet in this age of redoubled economic growth, of information and innovation, the Soviet Union faces a choice: It must make fundamental changes, or it will become obsolete.

Today thus represents a moment of hope. We in the West stand ready to cooperate with the East to promote true openness, to break down barriers that separate people, to create a safe, freer world. And surely there is no better place than Berlin, the meeting place of East and West, to make a start. Free people of Berlin: Today, as in the past, the United States stands for the strict observance and full implementation of all parts of the Four Power Agreement of 1971. Let us use this occasion, the 750th anniversary of this city, to usher in a new era, to seek a still fuller, richer life for the Berlin of the future. Together, let us maintain and develop the ties between the Federal Republic and the Western sectors of Berlin, which is permitted by the 1971 agreement.

And I invite Mr. Gorbachev: Let us work to bring the Eastern and Western parts of the city closer together, so that all the inhabitants of all Berlin can enjoy the benefits that come with life in one of the great cities of the world.

To open Berlin still further to all Europe, East and West, let us expand the vital air access to this city, finding ways of making commercial air service to Berlin more convenient, more comfortable, and more economical. We look to the day when West Berlin can become one of the chief aviation hubs in all central Europe.

With our French and British partners, the United States is prepared to help bring international meetings to Berlin. It would be only fitting for Berlin to serve as the site of United Nations meetings, or world conferences on human rights and arms control or other issues that call for international cooperation.

There is no better way to establish hope for the future than to enlighten young minds, and we would be honored to sponsor summer youth exchanges, cultural events, and other programs for young Berliners from the East. Our French and British friends, I’m certain, will do the same. And it’s my hope that an authority can be found in East Berlin to sponsor visits from young people of the Western sectors.

One final proposal, one close to my heart: Sport represents a source of enjoyment and ennoblement, and you may have noted that the Republic of Korea–South Korea–has offered to permit certain events of the 1988 Olympics to take place in the North. International sports competitions of all kinds could take place in both parts of this city. And what better way to demonstrate to the world the openness of this city than to offer in some future year to hold the Olympic games here in Berlin, East and West? In these four decades, as I have said, you Berliners have built a great city. You’ve done so in spite of threats–the Soviet attempts to impose the East-mark, the blockade. Today the city thrives in spite of the challenges implicit in the very presence of this wall. What keeps you here? Certainly there’s a great deal to be said for your fortitude, for your defiant courage. But I believe there’s something deeper, something that involves Berlin’s whole look and feel and way of life–not mere sentiment. No one could live long in Berlin without being completely disabused of illusions. Something instead, that has seen the difficulties of life in Berlin but chose to accept them, that continues to build this good and proud city in contrast to a surrounding totalitarian presence that refuses to release human energies or aspirations. Something that speaks with a powerful voice of affirmation, that says yes to this city, yes to the future, yes to freedom. In a word, I would submit that what keeps you in Berlin is love–love both profound and abiding.

Perhaps this gets to the root of the matter, to the most fundamental distinction of all between East and West. The totalitarian world produces backwardness because it does such violence to the spirit, thwarting the human impulse to create, to enjoy, to worship. The totalitarian world finds even symbols of love and of worship an affront. Years ago, before the East Germans began rebuilding their churches, they erected a secular structure: the television tower at Alexander Platz. Virtually ever since, the authorities have been working to correct what they view as the tower’s one major flaw, treating the glass sphere at the top with paints and chemicals of every kind. Yet even today when the sun strikes that sphere–that sphere that towers over all Berlin–the light makes the sign of the cross. There in Berlin, like the city itself, symbols of love, symbols of worship, cannot be suppressed.

As I looked out a moment ago from the Reichstag, that embodiment of German unity, I noticed words crudely spray-painted upon the wall, perhaps by a young Berliner: “This wall will fall. Beliefs become reality.” Yes, across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand freedom.

And I would like, before I close, to say one word. I have read, and I have been questioned since I’ve been here about certain demonstrations against my coming. And I would like to say just one thing, and to those who demonstrate so. I wonder if they have ever asked themselves that if they should have the kind of government they apparently seek, no one would ever be able to do what they’re doing again.

Thank you and God bless you all.”

Ronald Reagan – June 12, 1987

Topics

A little angel, loved the same.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 A group of us at work are very close and just found out that one of our co-workers baby was born with  Down Syndrome.   We really care for our friend, and are very concerned. 

We’re hurt that she never confided in us.  But the truth is, we just don’t know what to say or how to handle this situation.   

Would we be insensitive to send a card and gift? 

Girls in the office   

 

Dear Girls:  

A little information can go a long way in putting fears to rest. 

Individuals with Down syndrome are more like the all of us than they are different. 

Down syndrome is a genetic condition, (47 chromosomes instead of the usual 46 chromosomes), which causes delays in physical and intellectual development.  This condition occurs in approximately 1 in every 800 births.

While this is a very personal matter for your the family, your friend may or may not have known of the condition ahead of time, as it is usually identified at birth or shortly thereafter. 

While children and adults with Down syndrome experience developmental delays, they also have many wonderful talents and gifts, and should be encouraged to develop them.   

A baby is loved the same by his Mother regardless of circumstance.  This little angel is to be loved, embraced, and welcomed with hearts wide open. 

Send your friend a note of congratulations with a gift from all you girls in the office. 

Mrs. Figgins

Children Issues,How To,Love,One Village,Topics,advice

Time to say                    “au revoir”!

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My husband and I have been married 15 years.  We have two children.

To supplement his income, my husband teaches a crash programme in conversational French for business travelers. 

There’s this one woman that keeps coming back month after month after month.  

Last night they met for dinner for a last minute “brush up”.   He says he’s just trying to help a student.  After all he says this is how he brings in extra money for the family.  

I think this no longer a crash course, and it’s getting personal.     

How should I approach this 

Needing to nip in the bud.

 

Dear Need To Nip: 

Your instincts are correct. 

Nip it in the bud quickly, before he supplements more than his income.

Tell your husband it’s time to say “au revoir” and graduate this student, permanently.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,advice

 

Abuse by any other name is still ABUSE.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

My husband is an accountant and controls the purse strings.  Better said, he controls my strings.  I don’t have a clue what he spends.  When I ask, he says that he’s the accountant, and I should trust him. 

We have one great kid, and are financially comfortable.  He was so easy going and generous until we got married.  Then everything changed quickly. 

He insists I keep a daily record to the penny.  He wants to know what I spend on any little thing, even bobby pins at the store.  If my son or I need shoes, I have to go to the second hand store.  He says shoes are too expensive at the malls and my son is growing too fast so why buy new ones. 

He looks at the list the next morning and leaves me notes admonishing me if I’ve overspent by fifty cents.   He gives me and my son the silent treatment for days.  His anger gets a little out of hand sometimes.  He’s pushed me on a couple of occasions.   

Mrs. Figgins this is not the man I married.  I’m worried there may be darker days ahead. 

Nancy in Albuquerque

 

Dear Nancy: 

By what you’ve described you are, at the very least, in an emotionally abusive relationship.  Abuse by any other name is still abuse.

There needs to be equality in a marriage.  Nothing will change one way or the other, until you do. 

First, I urge you to know your options in the event that there are “darker days ahead”.  Unless you protect yourself, you cannot protect your son.     

Please call the following hotline for anonymous & confidential help anytime day or night:   

National Domestic Violence Hotline:    1.800.799.SAFE (7233)    1.800.787.3224 (TTY) 

Website:   http://www.ndvh.org/      

If you contact them on your computer, please use a safe computer.  Computers can be monitored.  There is a Quick Escape button that will redirect you to an unrated site. 

You are very important.  Take the first step.  You will have support. 

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,advice

For always, in all ways.

 

Dear Mrs.  Figgins:  

My husband and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary.  We are blessed with 3 beautiful children.

Like many Americans, we’ve been affected financially.  He holds down 2 jobs and I’m a stay at home Mom.

We’re under a daily stress and strain.

I’m feeling like I should find a nanny and start looking for a job myself.  Not helping financially is making me feel helpless and depressed.  

The worst part is that after taking care of the children all day, I barely have anything left for my husband.  Yet, he comes home to help me with the children and never has once complained.

Can you help me think thru this?

Mom of 3.

 

Dear Mom of 3:

When a couple gets married, and makes the decision to have a child, that sole decision  becomes the single pivotal point from which all other decisions are then made.

Research shows that nothing and no one replaces the woman whose womb the child comes out of.  This is critical for the first 3-4 years of the child’s life.  No one can replace a Mother.  There is no job more important.  Nannies are not a substitute.

Your husband is keeping his end of the bargain by supporting the family and being your backbone.

You took a vow to honor your husband.  You promised to love him - not neglect him.  

Home should not be a “time out” or a parking place for the night.  It is where our spirit is fueled, are footing reinforced.  Home is where the wells of our heart are filled. 

When he walks in at night, stop and really look at him.  Hug and kiss him.  Wrap yourself around him and hold on tight.   Find the time, make the time, take the time for love making.  Be his wife, and his girlfriend.  Each day find ten things to compliment him.  Touch base during the day to say I Love You.

It is critical in a marriage to make time for just the two of you.

Romance should not end upon having children.  Begin anew.  Romance is an attitude, a touch, a glance, a whisper, a kiss, initiating love making with your spouse – verbally and physically.

Yes, it all takes work, and it doesn’t just magically happen.   It’s not always convenient.  The truth is most of the time you have to plan it out.    

Love is a tender, strong and resilient muscle that must be exercised each and every day.  Love is our greatest gift.

Mrs. Figgins

Children Issues,Love,Relationships,advice

Mistress named “Gambling”

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I suspect my sister’s husband Rudy has been cheating, but not with the usual accomplice.  It’s with a gambling table.  

Lisa and Rudy moved to California, in an area where there are several casinos within a short driving distance.  I’ve overheard the kids talk about their Dad and Mom arguing about the casino “again”.  Lisa has also made reference to Rudy liking to play a little too much.    

It’s pretty obvious that they’ve become pretty strapped for money.  Although they each still work, she’s had to get a second job.  

I’m trying to be the gambling patrol, but do you know how to tell if he really has a problem?  

Sister Detective  in CA 

 

Dear Sister:   

A gambling addiction is a mistress, too – and can destroy a family.   Gambling for relaxation is a red flag.

Compulsive gambling is an illness, progressive in its nature, which can be treated or arrested, but not cured. 

The following twenty questions by Gamblers Anonymous are provided to help any person decide if he or she is a compulsive gambler, and importantly if that person wants to stop gambling.

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?

2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?

3. Did gambling affect your reputation?

4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?

5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?

6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?

7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?

8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?

9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?

10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?

11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?

12. Were you reluctant to use “gambling money” for normal expenditures?

13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?

14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?

15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom or loneliness?

16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?

17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?

18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?

19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?

20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?

Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions.

Let Lisa and Rudy know that there is help.

Gamblers Anonymous:

Telephone in Los Angeles   213.386.8789

Email:   isomain@gamblersanonymous.org

Mrs. Figgins

How To,Love,Topics,advice

Love answers the question.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 

Five years ago my wife of 10 years passed away.  Three years ago I married a wonderful woman whom I me at church.  We are an interracial couple.   She is African American (Methodist Episcopal), I am White  (Southern Evangelical).  

 

Our children have embraced us and we are blessed to announce that we have a little one on the way.  Everyone is so excited.  Well almost everyone. 

We have family members on each side that strongly opposed our marriage, claiming that the Bible prohibits interracial marriage?  Where does it say that???!!! 

We’ve never uttered an unkind word to them, and have desperately tried to reach out. Each year they refuse our efforts to include them in family gatherings. 

Again this year, we received regrets thru my Mother that they’ll not be joining the rest of the family at our home for the holidays. This hurts both sets of parents, and we don’t know what else to do. 

Wanting to make it right.   

 

 

Dear Wanting:  

 You’ve done nothing wrong – to make right.   

It is unfortunate the things people blame GOD for.    

In an article by Dr. Billy Graham some time ago, he made addressed this very issue. 

Dr. Graham said, “The Bible does not prohibit interracial marriage or say a person must only marry from his own racial or ethnic group.”    He further wrote, “the Bible gives no grounds for saying that one race is superior or inferior to any other race.”   

Don’t worry or give any energy to those who are heavily laden with racist beliefs.  They have their own sad turmoil to carry.   

Continue with your life and pay attention to what is important:  each other and the friends & family who truly care for you. 

Live life to its fullest with integrity and enjoying one another.  

Love answers the question. 

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,Topics,advice