October 21, 2009
- Happy Motorhoming!
Dear Miss Figgins:
My wife and I are just about to retire.
For 4 years we’ve been planning to travel around the country in our motor home. We’ve been excited about our golden future.
Last month our boy called to say he’s getting a divorce, and is moving back WITH US! He has two kids and needs to pay child and wife support. He’ll be broke for a good while.
Ms. Figgins, we love our boy and we have been good parents. We paid for his schooling and helped with his wedding. We’ve even set a little aside for our grandkids college. If we have to now help financially thru this divorce, my wife and I won’t be able to afford our retirement plans.
Can you give us suggestions?
We love him but we’re stuck in a tough place.
John and Mady, Wyoming
Dear John and Mady:
You’re hearts are in a tough place, but you’re not stuck.
You should continue to follow the dreams which you have planned for.
As parents, of course you want to offer your son a safe haven. But it shouldn’t be a free ride. Just as your son has a financial responsibility to his family, if he’s living in your home, he also has a responsibility to you. Otherwise you’re not helping him or you.
Set boundaries of what you expect while your son is staying in your home. Your home is not a crash pad.
After a month of help, set a reasonable amount that he pays for rent. Whatever you set, it will no doubt be far less than a rental.
If he doesn’t live up to his agreement, then he needs to make other arrangements – elsewhere.
No doubt you’ll do it all with love.
Mrs. Figgins
Children Issues, Love, Retirement, advice
October 19, 2009
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
My fiancé and I are getting married next month. I have a degree in classical piano and he has just completed his studies in sports engineering.
He has been offered a wonderful opportunity to advance his career, and we will be moving from Yorkshire to America for two years.
My Dad says that the secret of a great marriage is what he has with Mum. She has not only been a great wife, but a fun girlfriend to him.
I’m determined to do the same. However, I am frightfully in the dark about the major sports in America.
Do you have any idea how I can get a crash course?
South Yorkshire
Dear South Yorkshire:
I say, your Dad is spot on.
Though I am not an expert, here is a quick overview of America’s three favorite sports.
Many Congratulations!
Mrs. Figgins
- Baseball
Baseball:
Each team has 9 players: Pitcher, Catcher, 1st Base, 2nd Base, Shortstop, 3rd Base, Right Fielder, Center Fielder, Left Fielder.
The teams take alternate turns in the field and at bat. The home team is up to bat last.
The pitcher throws overhand from the pitcher’s mound to the batter.
The distance between the pitcher’s mound to home plate, is 60.5 ft (18.4 m).
The pitcher throws, aiming at a small area in front of the catcher called the “strike zone”, and the batter (on the opposing team) attempts to hit the pitches and safely reach base. The fielders attempt to put the batter out through various plays.
Equipment: Leather covered ball; Padded gloves, Wood (in professional games) or aluminum bats.
Special Gear: The batter, catcher, and home-plate umpire wear special protective gear.
Innings: There are 9 innings to a game. If there is a tie game then the game continues past the 9th inning. If the score is tied at the end of nine innings, play continues into extra innings until one team has scored more runs than the other in an equal number of turns at bat.
A Strike: A batter who misses three pitches, or fails to swing at three judged hittable throws within the strike zone, is out on “strikes”.
A Ball: If the pitch is out of the “strike zone” then the ball is judged a “ball”.
A Foul Ball: If the batter hits the ball into the foul zone on the first 2 pitches, it is considered a strike.
If the batter hits the ball into the foul zone and he already has 2 strikes, then it is considered a “foul ball” and he can continue hitting the ball until he either gets a hit or he swings and strikes out.
If the pitcher first throws four pitches out of the strike zone, the batter obtains a base on balls, or “walks” to first base.
Scoring A Run: A run is scored every time a batter becomes a runner and crosses home plate after touching each base in the prescribed order. When the fielding team puts out three batters (or runners), the teams exchange places.
- Football
American Football:
Each team is made up of eleven players.
The game consists of four quarters. Each quarter is fifteen minutes.
Each half begins with a kickoff, which initiates play after every score (except a safety).
Objective: The objective is to keep moving the ball across the opponent’s goal line and scoring a “touchdown”.
Each touchdown is worth six points.
After making a touchdown, the team has a choice of kicking an extra point (1 pt) or going for 2 points, which involves the quarterback either passing the ball or running the ball.
At the end of the 2ND quarter (half time), the teams exchange goals.
The team must gain 10 yd (9 m) in four plays (downs) or yield possession of the ball to the opponent.
The defending team tries to stop the ball by tackling the ball carrier, forcing him to the ground—thus causing the team with the ball to use up one of its four downs.
The Offense: Comprises a quarterback, a fullback, two halfbacks, and seven linemen—a center, two guards, two tackles, and two ends.
The offense may advance the ball by running or passing it forward (forward or laterally).
The Defense: Comprises of two tackles and two ends, who play on the line, as well as three linebackers, two cornerbacks, and two safeties.
The defending team can gain possession of the ball before the end of four downs by recovering a dropped ball (called a fumble), or by intercepting a pass.
The Field: The football field is level, measures 100 by 53 1/3 yd (91.4 by 48.8 m). The field is marked off by latitudinal stripes every 5 yd (4.57 m).
End Zone: At the end of each side of the field there is an end zone measuring 10 yd (9.14 m) deep.
Goal Posts: In the center of each end zone is a goal post measuring 20 ft (6.10 m) in height, with a crossbar 10 ft (3.05 m) from the ground, and uprights on either end 24 ft (73.2 m) apart.
Field Goal: In addition to the 6 points earned in a touchdown, 1 additional point can be scored after a touchdown is made by the scoring team by kicking the ball (which is held on the ground by a teammate of the kicker) over the crossbar between the goal posts (called a field goal).
Safety: Three points may be scored by downing a player in possession of the ball behind his own goal line (a safety), for two points.
Conversions: Additional points, known as conversions, may be scored after the scoring of a touchdown.
Officials: The game is controlled by five officials—the referee, umpire, field judge, linesman, and electric clock operator.
- Basketball
Basketball:
Basketball is played by two opposing teams of five players each.
The game is played on a rectangular court.
At each end of the court—usually about 92 ft (28 m) long and 50 ft (15 m) wide—is a bottomless basket made of white cord net and suspended from a metal ring, 18 in. (46 cm) in diameter, which is attached 10 ft (3.05 m) above the floor (usually hardwood) to a backboard made of fiberglass, wood, or other material.
Each team has a designated hoop at each end of the court.
Objective: The main objective is to throw the ball into the basket of the opponent through dribbling or passing the ball with the hands. If a player moves ahead without dribbling the ball is called a foul.
When a player in possession of the ball stops dribbling, they must either pass the ball or shoot it. After each shot is made, the ball changes possession to the other team.
Players: Point Guard, Shooting Guard, Small Forward, Power Forward, Center.
A team keeps another seven players on the bench in case of any injury, foul or to give another player a chance to play and score.
Offense: The team in possession of the ball is considered offense while the other team is considered defense. While playing offense, the object is to score.
Defense: While playing defense, the object is to stop the other team from scoring by either stealing the ball or blocking a shot. When the defensive team gains possession of the ball without the offensive team scoring, it is called a turnover.
Officials: There are 3 officials.
Rebound: Rebounding a missed shot is another way to gain possession of the ball.
Scoring: To score points the player may dribble the ball down the court with one hand at a time or they may pass the ball from one player to another.
Players may throw, dribble (bounce), or shoot the basketball , but may not run with it or kick it.
Each time a player throws a ball through the basket, his/her team gets two points if it is a regular jump shot.
In case of a free-throw, the team gets one point.
If a player throws the ball through the basket from beyond the three-point arc, his or her team will receive three points.
There are two halves, each consisting of two quarters: (24 sec in the National Basketball Association; 30 sec in international games and in most women’s play; 45 sec in men’s collegiate play.
Teams must shoot the ball within a prescribed time limit.
How To, Love, Relationships, Topics, advice
October 17, 2009
- Ahhh…Chivalry.
Hello Mrs. Figgins:
The Mom of a friend of mine reads your letters and I got this idea to write. I’m embarrassed to ask anyone else so I’m going to try you.
I’m 16 years old and I want to ask this girl out on a date, not sure where yet. She is 16 and likes me too.
My family is Baptist. Her family is Mormon.
How do I make a good impression? I hope you get this note on time.
Mitchell
Dear Mitchell:
This is the perfect to time for you to start becoming a a gentleman. Chivalry is a virtue, and virtues can be learned.
If you want to make a good impression, with a young lady of any age, make sure you begin and end with respect.
Mormons place tremendous value on family. Therefore, if you’re going to ask her on a date, introduce yourself to her family, first.
If her Mom and Dad give the OK, I strongly suggest you invite the young lady to join you along with few other friends. A school ballgame is a great idea.
If her parents are not in favor of allowing a date at this time, you can hold your head high and know you did everything the right way.
If it’s thumbs up, keep things very light, fun and clean.
Don’t try to get to first base or you’ll be handed your first set of walking papers, right on out the door.
Good luck, Mitchell.
Mrs. Figgins
Love, Relationships, advice
-
Give him this one!
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
My boyfriend and I are both in our 30’s, both professionals and have been living together. He’s always been a reasonable guy.
Recently he came home with a soda pop girl costume and wanted me to wear it while we’re having sex. Last week he showed up with an army pinup costume, including a medic hat and boot cuffs. I was so uncomfortable but didn’t dare spoil his “fun”.
Honestly, what on earth could all this be about? Should I be worried? I don’t want to marry a guy who’s so kinky that I have to be on stage every time we make love.
Should we seek counseling or maybe talk with our Rabbi?
Soubrette in Nebraska
Dear Soubrette:
The Rabbi is probably not a good idea.
I agree it is rather kinky, but no more so than many of the stories I’ve heard in my travels.
Why don’t you try coming up with some costumes of your own for him? How about a Gladiator costume with chest armor or full Batman get up? Maybe he’ll get the hint before too many more curtain calls.
If this doesn’t work you might want to rethink this duo before the bells ring.
Good Luck!
Mrs. Figgins
Love, Relationships, advice
October 15, 2009
-
Walk Off Grand Slam?
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
I think I got myself in a situation I’m not sure how to get out of or, possibly into.
I’m married with twins, a girl and a boy. My wife Sandy takes my little girl to her after school activities, and I take my son to his little league practice.
One of my son’s friends Mom is always there at practice and we’ve gotten pretty close. She’s married with 3 kids.
I’ve always thought Sandy and I had a good marriage, but now I’m not so sure? The other woman and I have gotten close, and I think I’m falling for her.
Sparks are flying! What should I do?
Dear Sparky:
Take a cold shower, and park that ego.
Your friend has her own family which includes 3 kids. Those bases are already loaded, and you’re looking at a strike out.
Get your wits about you before you lose your family. Most importantly, before you selfishly affect your children’s lives.
Invest more time and love into your marriage. It will begin a cycle of giving and returning between you and your wife that will reignite your home field.
You have a son, a daughter, and by your own words a good marriage. This is your walk off grand slam.
Mrs. Figgins
Love, Relationships, advice
October 14, 2009
- Set Them Early!
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
I have two beautiful children. My girl is 3 and my boy is 5. My little girl is reserved and standoffish, but my little boy is extremely affectionate and trusting with “everyone”.
With everything that goes on in this world nowadays, I must admit that this worries me more than I even let on to my husband.
I may be over-thinking this but do you have any suggestions or thoughts on what I can do to make sure they aren’t vulnerable?
Concerned Mom in Iowa.
Dear Concerned:
You are not overreacting. You are correct in wanting to take the right steps to protect your children as much as humanly possible.
Here are some simple rules for teaching children personal boundaries:
Take time to educate, explain, and set rules with children about “personal” boundaries, when they are very young. Most likely you will need to revisit and reinforce these boundaries over and over.
A good way to help children understand the idea of personal space is to have the child stand in place, spread their arms wide, and spin slowly in a circle. The invisible circle that they make with their arms is their “personal space”.
Establish and teach zones of privacy. These zones includes bathroom or dressing time, personal space for belongings ( closet, drawers), bedroom or sleeping area when siblings share a bedroom.
Explain to the child that other people have personal space too, and that there are certain times that it’s OK to allow others to enter your space (school lines, help with potty time).
Establish the role of parent (or adult) to child within the family and outside of the family. Teach the children when it is appropriate to listen and participate in conversations, and when they are not allowed to participate in conversations at all. This establishes the child’s role and builds their sense of security.
Do not involve children at any time in adult sensitive conversations.
Examples of when physical boundaries are crossed:
Insisting a child hug or kiss others: It is important to note that affectionate children can be taught who is okay to hug and kiss, and what an appropriate touch is. Let kids know that it is okay to say “no” to any form of touch. Overlooking these critical social skills a child may be put at risk of trusting potential abusers.
Touching a child when they don’t want to be touched: Emergent situations are the exception. Help kids understand the difference between good touch and bad touch by explaining where it is okay to be touched. Identify body parts and when it is OK for those parts to be touched.
Hitting a child: Hitting a child is never appropriate.
If boundaries are crossed, such as personal space or a reversal of authority with an adult, quickly take back control of the situation and re-establish the correct behavior.
These are good building blocks for you to begin with.
Mrs. Figgins
Children Issues, How To, Love, Topics, advice
October 13, 2009
- Out.
Dear Mrs. Figgins:
I’m a successful man, who has just come out of the closet. I’m blessed to have a great family. Everyone has been extremely supportive of my decision as well as of my relationship.
Recently I went to a school reunion and told a few of my old friends. Some of where shocked, and had questions. I’ve since received invitations from friends to get together with them at their families for the holidays.
The problem I’m having is that I don’t know if the invitation is about friendship or curiosity about being a token gay friend.
Don’t know if I should trust?
Dear Not Sure:
You obviously felt that the old friends you did come out to were worth your trust.
Life doesn’t have any guarantee for any of us, under any circumstance, and there will be “friends” that turn out to be a disappointment. But you need to believe that you have friends that truly care about you and worth you friendship.
Your apprehension is understandable. And yes, unfortunately it is still uncomfortable for most gay people to take that step out of the closet. However, distrusting people because you think they will judge you for being gay is an old concept, and crippling.
Who we are as human beings is what are ultimately judged on.
Trust that if we face life with integrity, it will be a wonderful ride full of priceless memories.
Mrs. Figgins
Love, Relationships, Topics, advice
October 12, 2009
- It sure does!
“Reputation is the shadow. Character is the tree.”
Abraham Lincoln
Character is not just our outward display of actions that others see.
It is who we are even when the only eyes that see and only ears that hear, are GOD’S.
When we are stripped of all self importance, character is the framework that holds us up .
It is our core beliefs which affect our behavior - the “DNA” of ethical and moral traits that make up who we are.
It is the moral compass that guides our actions, and the road map to our destination.
It is the internal light which illuminates our way, in our darkest hour.
Values, sometimes called morals, develop character. Most of us learn values from our parents, at church or synagogue. But society has changed. Too often children are on their own influenced by what they see on television or on the street. Their moral compass calibrated by sheer happenstance.
Integrity, Honesty, Trustworthiness, Respect: Each is inextricably dependent on the other, and not can succeed alone.
Character is about doing the right thing because it is simply, the right thing to do.
Mrs. Figgins
Character: Quotations
“Reputation is the shadow. Character is the tree.”
— Abraham Lincoln
Character is what you are in the dark.
— Unknown
Most people say that it is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong: it is character.
— Albert Einstein, Swiss-American mathematician, physicist and public philosopher (1879-1955)
Character, not circumstance, makes the person.
— Booker T. Washington, American educator and civil rights activist (1856-1915)
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1882)
If you will think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish prig.
— Woodrow Wilson, 28th American president (1856-1924)
To exercise good character daily is to be morally fit for life.
— Karen Hartz, CC! coordinator, CHARACTER COUNTS! in Caroline County
What someone is, begins to be revealed when his talent abates, when he stops showing us what he can do.
— Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844-1900)
Why are we surprised when fig trees bear figs?
— Margaret Titzel
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
— Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. president (1809-1865)
A person’s character is what it is. It’s a little like a marriage – only without the option of divorce. You can work on it and try to make it better, but basically you have to take the bitter with the sweet.
— Henrik Hertzberg, 20th-century American editor and journalist
What a man’s mind can create, man’s character can control.
— Attributed to Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931)
The true test of civilization is not the census, nor the size of cities, nor the crops – no, but the kind of man the country turns out.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1882)
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
— Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968)
Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses and avoids.
— Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384-322 B.C.)
Character is an essential tendency. It can be covered up, it can be messed with, it can be screwed around with, but it can’t be ultimately changed. It’s the structure of our bones, the blood that runs through our veins.
— Sam Shepard, American playwright, actor and director (b. 1943)
The measure of a man’s character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out.
— Baron Thomas Babington Macauley, English historian and statesman (1800-1859)
Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures.
— Horace Greeley, American journalist and educator (1811-1872)
The proper time to influence the character of a child is about a hundred years before he’s born.
— William R. Inge, American playwright (1913-1973)
If we want our children to possess the traits of character we most admire, we need to teach them what those traits are and why they deserve both admiration and allegiance. Children must learn to identify the forms and content of those traits.
— William J. Bennett, author and former U.S. Secretary of Education (b. 1943)
Character is much easier kept than recovered.
— Thomas Paine, British-born American political activist (1737-1809)
Every man has three characters: that which he shows, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.
— Alphonse Karr, French journalist (1808-1890)
A man’s character is his fate.
— Heraclitus, Greek philosopher (c. 540-c. 475 B.C.)
One can acquire everything in solitude — except character.
— Henri Stendahl, French novelist (1783-1842)
Character is that which can do without success.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1882)
No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1880)
The force of character is cumulative.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1882)
Not in time, place or circumstance but in the man lies success.
— James Joyce, Irish novelist (1882-1941)
It is with trifles, and when he is off guard, that a man best reveals his character.
— Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher (1788-1860)
If a man has any greatness in him, it comes to light, not in one flamboyant hour, but in the ledger of his daily work.
— Beryl Markham, English adventurer and author (1902-1986)
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet, novelist, playwright, scientist and philosopher (1749-1832)
Children Issues, Faith, How To, Love, One Village, Opinion & Politics, Relationships, Topics, advice
