Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Just go back to where you started.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

 I don’t know what you’re religious beliefs are but, I thought maybe you can help? 

My husband and I are newlyweds.  We are both Christians.  

His work is very stressful and each night when he comes home he drops of exhaustion.   We’re too new to get stuck with so much grind and responsibility.  We want to start a family but I want to have fun first.   

The other night he was so grumpy, and I took it personally.

I don’t want us to grow apart. 

Newlywed and feeling a little lost.

 

Dear Lost: 

Your husband is being a responsible partner.   You need to be a supportive wife. 

No matter what religion you are, a commitment to each other as husband, wife, or partner, is to be honored, respected and nurtured, doing everything possible to bring peace, joy, happiness and love to each other.  This is what GOD intended.  

Your husband is working his little heart out because he knows the responsibilities of planning for a family.  Talk with your husband about your feelings and then listen to what he has to say.  Address minor issues before they become mountains.   

Let him know that you love him and would like to have more quality time together before you start a family.  

Don’t offer huge opinions before you listen and understand what your husband is feeling and what he has to say.

Remember that life has it’s daily ups and downs and it’s not always easy.  It is our charge to be generous with each other, loving and forgiving one another, even when we don’t think it’s deserved, – and even, if we would handle the situation differently than our mate would.  

As a Christian you know that nothing takes the place of prayer, and the gifts prayer will bring to your life. 

When you feel you’ve lost your way…just go back to where you started. 

 Mrs. Figgins 

Love,Relationships,advice

Shaking It Off

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins: 

 I have an old “friend” I don’t know how to shake?

 A  few years back my ex husband and I went thru some pretty bad financial times.  We divorced, he skipped town and child support – and I raised my 3 truly great  kids alone.  My “best friend” at the time, dropped out of site.  She actually told me she had no intention of being roped into  carpooling or anything else to do with the kids.  

Years have passed, I’ve since remarried, and must say, GOD has smiled on me.   I have a wonderful husband and a delicious life with a home on the waterfront.   All of a sudden my “best friend” , whom I’ve not heard from in years, has been writing and calling. She has a new boyfriend and wants to pick our friendship back up.  

I’m not interested in the least, but don’t know how to go about shaking this situation without being rude?

 

Dear Shaking: 

You don’t have to be rude, and you don’t have to pick back up.   

Just tell your friend that your life has taken a different direction since she went away.    You’ll feel better if you don’t get into all the stuff of the past, which matters not a bit now.   

Wish her all the best and let it end there.    You have no obligation.

Simply…shake it off.  

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Retirement,advice

When things get rocky, the grass seems greener …o’er yon.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My boyfriend and I live together.   He is devoted to our relationship.   I have been, too.   

The problem is that I have had a crush on another guy.  

We’ve flirted and talk on the phone during the day.   I told myself I need to stop this.  I did for a while but couldn’t stop thinking about him, so I called him.  He said he missed talking with me, and thinks of me all the time.   

How do I get over this guy?

 

Dear Over:

IT IS.

When life gets rocky – and it will along the way – the grass seems greener o’er yon.  The difference is commitment. 

It’s obvious that your relationship is missing a main ingredient:  YOU.

 Moving in with your current boyfriend was not the right thing to do before you were willing to commit to each other, in marriage. 

 Commitment means that together you weather all the ups and downs that life storms your way.    The only absolute exception is if a relationship is an abusive one.

This is not about the other guy.  No matter how great a guy your current boyfriend is, you have continuing doubts.  

You have a decision to make.   Make the responsible one.

Do your boyfriend (and yourself) a favor, and love him enough to let him go. 

 If the other guy is “the one” then he’ll be there after you clean up your current situation.    

Get yourself together without the crutch of someone waiting in the wings.   

Things have a way of falling into place, when you do the right thing.

Mrs. Figgins

Love,Relationships,Retirement,advice

 

The grieving process is                necessary and healing.

Death is inevitable. 

The loss of a beloved friend or family is a shattering experience.  It’s far reaching implications always bring a gamut of emotions which we cannot immunize ourselves against. 

The heart-breaking anguish is inescapable when love is deep.   Deafening heartache may overcome us at unexpected moments – just when we feel that life has returned to normal.  Our life has been irrevocably altered. Grieving is painful.  It is also necessary.  It helps us heal. 

The process of allowing yourself to grieve is healthy.  Enjoying life again doesn’t mean that the person is no longer missed.  Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting or betraying the loved one who died. 

There is no simple or single way to go thru the stages of grief.   

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief,” which represent feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy.

• Denial:          “This can’t be happening to me.”

• Anger:          “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

• Bargaining:    “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

• Depression:   “I’m too sad to do anything.”

• Acceptance:   “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

1Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. (1969) On Death and Dying. New York: Macmillian, p. 45-60.

Stress can take a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually.  

Although there are common responses to the loss of a loved one, there is no set timetable or structure for the grieving process. Understanding the common symptoms of grief, and the difference between trauma and depression may be quite helpful.

If you are experiencing a personal loss, take time to take care of your body, spend time with family and friends and do the things that give you joy and can bring fun back into your life, if even thru baby step moments.

Perhaps thru your learning and growth you will be able to reach out and help someone who may be experiencing the same, as you once did.  

Knowing how to respond to a friend or loved one when they experience loss can make all the difference in their world…and in yours.  

It is possible to move forward with hope.

BELIEVE.

 

Faith,How To,Love,One Village,Retirement,Topics,advice

 

Worth The Wait.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:   

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years.  We are both devote Christians and have wanted to wait until we say our marriage vows.   Things have been getting a little heavy lately and I am afraid we’re going to have sex soon.    

I know this is not in keeping with my faith but I don’t want to disappoint my boyfriend who has been so patient.   

Wanting to express my love but not sure when?   

 

Dear Not Now:

One thing is for sure:  Your faith.   Fortunately both of you share the same belief.   

The desire to express love in physical ways is natural when you love someone.   

Your faith also teaches you that GOD wants you to remain sexually pure.  It is something that you will forever be proud of.   

Although it can be so difficult at times, showing love for another and remaining pure is possible.   

Talk with your boyfriend and renew your commitment to what your faith teaches you.    

Spend time with each other’s families and friends. Too much time alone can lead you to do things you’ll regret later.   

True love respects the other person.   You’ve stayed strong for 2 years.  Don’t give up.  You will both be grateful that you stayed on the right path.   

Mrs. Figgins

Children Issues,Faith,Love,Relationships,Topics,advice