Ask Mrs Figgins
- Free Advice & opinion on everyday issues – marriage, children, friendship, love, etiquette, politics & faith – dispensed by Mrs Figgins with common sense & good old-fashioned-values!

Meeting Life Somewhere In-Between!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My nose and lip are pierced and I have a few tattoos, which I keep pretty much covered.  

My boss told me I need to remove my nose and lip ring.  He said it’s not personal and that the same rules apply to “any inappropriate business attire”.    

To make things worse, when I talked to the pastor of our church he agreed!   

Why can’t people at least hobble into this century and appreciate each of us for who we are and what is in our heart?   I don’t steal, cheat or judge others so why do I get judged! 

What am I missing?

 

Dear Missing:

The facts of life.

It’s not about whether you have a nose ring, a tattoo or a halo (to be fair: halos usually swing the vote).   

Unfortunately it’s about perception.   People that don’t know your heart, can only see the book cover at first glance. 

Think about what you want to accomplish in life.   Set the best example you can, with the compassion and understanding you seem to have and would like in return.  

While the outcome isn’t always what we hope,   good actions  calibrate the compass for our journey.

 Meet life in the middle, without giving up who you are.   If you can do this, you’re halfway there.

 Mrs. Figgins

Business Etiquette, How To, Love, Topics, advice

Right Way!    Wrong Way!    You Choose.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am 20 year old college student and feel totally suffocated by my parents.   

We are Mormons and my Mother and Father  will be  destroyed when they find out I want to live off campus with my boyfriend.  

He is the man of my dreams and I want to move forward with my life and not live by my parent’s unreasonable rules. 

We want to be responsible and don’t want to get married until we both graduate, but can’t wait to start our life together.

Wanting Freedom!

 

Dear Freedom:

In life, everything has a price.  Commitment has a price, and so does freedom.   This is true, regardless of whether you are Christian, Mormon, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddist, Gay or Straight.   

No doubt, your parents have worked very hard to pave a good foundation for your life’s journey.   This includes paying for your education, which is a gift from them because they love you.  It is not an automatic right.  Don’t destroy this  for yourself.      

Living together with your boyfriend before marriage is not the right thing to do.  Because of your upbringing, you know this deep down.

Mr. Dreamy will be there “if” he’s worth it.    He will only be there in the long run, not because you made things “easy”, but because you were worth waiting for.    If by chance, he turns out not to be the guy of your dreams…just think how much wiser and sweeter your decision to wait would have been.  

This is what you will want someday when you are a parent.   This is what your parents want for you.

Do the right thing.  Wait.

Mrs. Figgins

Love, Relationships, Topics, advice

Not Ready For Pasture!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

 My wife and I live in Arkansas.   At 63 we had the money saved up and thought it was the perfect time for both us to retire.  The wife is pretty happy with it all, but I’m not happy like I thought I would be.   

I miss my work, Ms. Figgins.  I miss my friends, I miss gettin in my truck and doing my daily routine. 

I guess I’m not ready to do this retiring thing.  Do I need some type of professional help?

 I’m not ready for pasture.

 

 Dear Not Ready:

The night is still young.    So are you.

Isn’t it a head scratcher how we dream of having time on our hands.  Yet when we have it, it’s double edged.   Your sense of “empty “is normal and understandable.  

What a blessing that you and your wife have planned financially for your retirement! 

 Take heart and trust that the best is truly ahead. 

 Now it’s time to come up with something that you might really like to do on a part time or full time basis.   Since you’ve planned for this day, your list should include paid or unpaid activities.     Don’t come up with silly “fillers” (leave that to stuffing sofas).  

 Think of what will fill the wells of your heart.  There’s no time like the present.

 Starting right now, starting this very moment – make of a few things you have always wanted to do.    If you try one and it doesn’t feel right, then try the next.  You have time and you have the dime.

 There are many organizations need good descent folks like you.   

 You are more valuable today than ever before.    BELIEVE!

 Mrs. Figgins

Love, Retirement, advice

 

Our Gift Is The Present.

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am  62 years young.  My wife of 5 years has made my life so full. 

The only problem I’m dealing with is her past. 

Her first husband, who past away 15 years ago, comes up at the darnest times.  He did this, he did that.   But he’s not here!   I am.   What can I do to stop this craziness? 

At my wits end!

 

Dear Wits End:

The past is history.  The present is the gift.   

Don’t minimize or take away her memories any more than you want yours washed away. 

Remember, she “lived “before you came into her life.   You are her life now. 

Live in the moment.   This moment is what you have.   

Mrs. Figgins

 

 

advice

Sometimes we just need to get our head out of the sand!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I am 23 years old and have developed a crush on one of my friends.   He tells me he’s had strong feelings for me for a long time and can’t get me out of his mind.   He wants to date.

There is just one little problem:  my best friend since childhood has feelings for him, too.    He tells me he doesn’t feel the same about her.   I know he’s led her on, making her think there might be a possibility of a relationship between them some time down the road.  

All along he’s been seeing other girls and not fessing up.   He says he hasn’t told her that there’s no chance between them romantically because he loves her as a “friend” and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.   They’ve been friends for a long time, too.  I’m not sure how to handle this?

I’m stuck in the middle!

 

Dear Stuck:

UNSTICK and QUICK!!!

Good friends last a lifetime -“crushes” don’t.  

He’s led her on.   What  makes you think you are going to be any different?

This is not worth losing a lifetime friend over – and this guy doesn’t sound like a good bet at any table.   

Life has a wonderful way of sorting things when we get out of the way.

Mrs. Figgins

Love, Relationships, advice

 

Mrs. Figgins Favorite Spots!

Coming Soon!

Mrs. Figgins shares her favorite spots around the world from the affordable  to the extraordinary.

You won’t want to miss this! 

 

 

 

Favorite Finds, More Finds, Travel Finds

Dating Tips!

 

Dating tips for teens and young adults!

#1:   SAFETY FIRST. 

• Get to know this person whom you might like to date.    Introduce him or her to your parents & friends FIRST.    

• Meet your dates family and friends well before you begin to date seriously. 

#2:   Don’t settle.  Take your time and trust that “time” is a friend.

• Never settle for the first person that comes your way.  You have a world of wonderful possibilities ahead of you.   

• Just because you go on your first date and have a great time, that doesn’t mean that this person is long term material.  Everyone is on good behavior at first, no matter what your age. 

• You’ll begin to get a better picture of the person you are dating…after a year of spending time with them.

• Take  your time and trust that “time” is a friend.

#3:   Don’t compromise your belief system. 

• If you have a strong faith background, your religious foundation will serve you well. 

• Don’t assume that because your date is of the same faith they have the same ethical and moral compass that you do.  

• Begin slowly to discuss issues that are important to each of you.  Take time…and let “time” help you sort things out.   

#4:   Honesty. 

• Be honest about who you are, your faith, your values and your beliefs.

• Honesty is the basis for all relationships.  If dating doesn’t work out, you may well have a lasting friendship.

#5:   Sex, marriage and your expectations before intimacy.

• Before you get to the point where it becomes an issue, discuss things like sex and marriage.  Share your personal beliefs and expectations.  This will let you know if you are on the same page, and if you want to continue dating.  

• If your personal beliefs are an issue between you,  this person is not the one for you.

#6:   If someone wants to change you…RUN!  

• You don’t always need to agree on everything, but you do need to be able to talk about all issues even if you have different viewpoints.

• Do not date someone who asks you to do something that is against your core beliefs. 

#7:   Listen to your friends and family.  

• Many times we can’t see simple warning signs in front of us.   

• Strive for clarity and wisdom.  Ask your family and friends for their opinion.  If they see red flag warnings (no matter how small), there is probably a good reason.  

• Engage those who love you in conversation about what they don’t like and don’t like about the person you are dating.  Listen…really listen to your parents and friends if they suspect red flags.

#8:   Share your date time with friends who love you and share your same values.

• It’s fine to spend time just the two of you, but don’t shut your friends out.   It is important for friends who love you and share your same values to spend time with you as a couple and see your interactions.

• This time in your life is all about exploring who you are together. Sharing time together with friends will begin to paint a good picture of your relationship and what may lie ahead. 

#9:   Respect.

• Always remember, the respect bar you set for yourself, is the respect you’ll receive. 

#10:   Make it fun! 

• Fun and laughter are a great beginning, middle and for the long run.  

• Enjoy yourself!   

Children Issues, How To, Love, Relationships, Topics, advice

 

We could all use a buoy once in a while!

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

My Father passed away 4 years ago.  My sister, brother and I are still mourning his loss.  I thought my Mother was too, since he was the love of her life!

Mom has just begun seeing someone,  and wants to bring him to our family reunion.    This is something we are having a HUGE problem with!   This man could never fill my Father’s shoes, and he best not try.

How can we STOP this from happening?

 

Dear STOP:

STOP!    Your Mother has the right to “live”, and perhaps love again.  

Her love for your Father or you kids is not minimized in any way by her getting  a new chance at life.   Support her.  

Be her buoy as she has always been yours.  She may be going thru a storm of emotions at this time in her life trying to juggle her own feelings and dealing with yours.   She needs you now.   Be there.   Be present.  This is what is important.

Mrs. Figgins

Love, advice

Think again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mrs. Figgins:

I have a nephew who is 37, and gay.  

His life revolves around his Mother.  He is constantly worried about  “Mummy”.  

He rushes to do her grocery shopping each week, buys her flowers, opens the doors for her, washes her car, kisses and hugs her non-stop. 

Is this normal? I understand that he loves his mother, but don’t you think he should be more focused on his own life?    After all, he has a wonderful lover .   Shouldn’t he consider his partners feelings?       

Concerned Auntie.

 

 

Dear Concerned:  

My goodness, aren’t you lucky (and take it from me!).    “Good son” usually translates to  -  good husband – good lover -  most important of all,  good man.   

What an a terrific young man you’ve each been blessed with.   Mummy is to be saluted for an job well done.  Now,  do the right thing and focus on what a good kid he turned out to be – and maybe find a  new hobby to keep you occupied.

Mrs. Figgins

Love, One Village, Topics, advice

Thought you might enjoy reading these random thoughts forwarded by one of our readers. 

Thank You for sharing the chuckles, Julie!

 

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